 Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Blessed are those who mourn...I have mourned over sins twice this week. Well one I mourned and another hit so hard I nearly cried just thinking about it.
When the homleess man asked me for money and I informed him I only had three cents, he replied "That's three more than I have." I cannot belive that I am not thankful for what I have. I mean three worthless cents. He was happy over every one of them. For the first time when taking it into prayer I cried over this. It hit me hard enough to want change and a true repentance. Yet I am human and do not know how to repent truley as some sins I keep on doing after I repent so that does not seem so true to me. Yet this time I did not ask for repentance, I asked to learn repentance of this sin. This wretchedness in my heart. In fact here alot lately it seems that matters of the heart have come up. Really shining light upon areas that I did not know or think of. And some I have tried to ignore and need attention first. In fact one thing is my false sense of wealth. From what I have if I have my possessions misvalued then I should not have them. I have so much junk that things stay cluttered. So I am pondering on giving so much of it away rather than waiting to sell it off. That and trash much stuff that needs trashing. Really trying to let go of many material possesions and try being happy with what I have rather than keep going after what I want. I have also been valuing the time I have had in prayer and time with God lately. It's not perfect but it's more than what it was for so long. And now that the prayer directory is done, I have been really putting forth an extra effort. But knowing that certain thigns come out only in prayer, well it does seem to be true. I have felt better or at least in a different peace than I have in a long while. I listened to a sermon by Jerry Bridges, which is odd to hear him after reading him a few times. And his sermon was called "Why Pray" and he had some serious answers for it. To acknowledge our helplessness on our own power and depend on god's power, to also bring and give glory to God. I have been praying for Sojourn for prayer to beceome life changing and move us in ways they have not before. That and pray that the partners really use the prayer directory every day and pray for each other and bring each other up in prayer. In the times ahead there is so much coming up that we need to have some folks step up. It's time to cultivate within ourselves. But not forgetting that all these changes, the move, upgrades, everything that is going on and will be going on that we not forget we are doing this for God and his glory and by his power. May we not forget this above all. I really hope that from within Sojourn that we focus in on prayer and all journey towards God through the teachings of Christ, and in the presence of the holy spirit and may this fill not only the upcoming changes but also our every day lives.
posted by Tom at 8:27 AM
3 comments
Sunday, January 29, 2006
It's been a rough few days. Seems I cannot concentrate as much in my readings and prayer time. Then again this is the time of the week where I am drained so very much with my weekend work schedule. Yet I ponder if there is something stirring in my heart for change.
The next six weeks will be fun and challenging. I signed up for two classes one on Systematic Theology and one for Mercy Ministries. They both sound fun and gives me two more times in the week to do soemthing of focus on God in some way. Great tiem to fellowship and learn a few things. There is another book I need to go and buy. I was listening to For Faith and Family podcast, I need to stop listening I keep buying books from there, and it deals with regreats and forgiving oneself. Last ngiht at work, thankfully I was alone. I almost started crying in the middle of the podcast as it really did strike a point in my heart. It had me thinking. But work did eventually take me away from the focus on God. Which I had to as it was a very long and busy night last night. But it did have me thinking and gave me soemthing of a recent topic for me. So I will have to check it out. Now the fun part is Friday I was at the church office printing off the directories....yes it is finaly done!!! Well everyone went on lunch and I was left to "hold down the fort" as one said. So I did and enxt door is a car wash. And a bright yellow dumpster in the corner. I saw an older man walk up to it. He appearded to look normal, nothing indicated homless look or anything. And he was empty handed heading over to the bin. My first thought was "I bet ya he is going to look inside." He did not see me as I was up on the second floor. So I had perfect, almost, room for observation. Sure enough he opened the lid and looked inside. I guess he did not find anything as he closed the lid and started to walk away. He made it maybe 20 feet from the bin before he stops, pauses, looks back, and then heads back to the bin. Now I am pondering if he had second thoughts on something he saw inside. He lifts the lid again and shuts it. Now he walked around to the side of the bin out of my site. I thoguht he was going to get on top of it or look under it but I never saw any action while he was behind it. Well he comes out from behind it and I see that he wet himself. As now there was a much darker spot in his crotch area and he was trying to adjust his clothing ot whatnot to cover it up. This was very sad to see. Now personaly I would have hidden in the corner and empty my bladder as fast as I could if I needed to go that bad. Find a bush or something. But this was not his choice it seems. Now the sad part is this was a fairly residential areas in the Highlands with only a commercial road that we call Bardstown Rd. And only a block form a restaraunt where he could have went there. This was not an area that I would assume homelessness. I was wrong. Then the next night at work was yet another lesson. I had just got off of work so this was about 3:30 am, on a Friday night where I am a block away from a cruising point and a "worthless gentlemean's club" Yes I said worthless as I see nothign gentlemanly about those joints. And a white Castle is there too. So needless to say it can be scary getting of of work. Well there was a guy there asking me for some change so he could get a burger ffrom white castle. Typically I lie and say I have no change on me...well I normally don't. But I am not honest with it as for whatever safety reasons. This time that was not the case. I only had three cents. I searched and thats all I had three pennies. I told him that I only had three cents. His reply was a good smack in the face for me. "That's three cents more than I have." I so wanted to rethink my blessings and be thankful for what I have. I gave him my three pennies and I hope he did find enoguh for a burger. I have never seen anone happy over such a small amount. Pennies, how many of us think of them as nothing? As almost no worth. I don't even cound pennies as change. Until I get a mountain of them and cash them in. But a penny has nearly no value and this guy took every cent of value. Could really learn something from this guy.
posted by Tom at 12:37 PM
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Sunday, January 22, 2006
Hello I am Tom the Pharaoh. Yes I have resumed my posting after the book of Exodus. Actually my reading time has been pumped up this week. I started again the read bible in a year campaign...well attempt to read it in a year, but this time I started where I left off a year ago rather than start over. So far so good.
I was reading Moses and his dealings with Pharaoh. It scares me how much I resemble Pharaoh. I may not be as hard hearted but I am as stubborn. There are times when god intervenes and steps in saves me and I am like oh ok cool thank you God. Then I go back to my ways all over again until the next disaster. Sounds like Pharaoh. i may not have plagues but I am in the doing over and over of my sins that God has delivered me from. So this tells me that like Pharaoh God might have this planned so that I can one day truly understand his grace and mercy. This has been a better week for me, especially spiritually. I locked myself up last Sunday night after service. I needed the time away from everything and to ponder, pray, and meditate. It was a very good return. I started off reading some, then taking a nap. Then later I went back to reading and prayer. I took a sheet of paper and filled it with things on my mind and heart to pray about. It was a long list. So In prayer I went through them each one, may not every one but I think I got them all in one way or another. So the time alone, bible reading, and prayer have all been much better this week. But the fun did not stop there. God really gave me more to look into. I know that my heart has been damaged greatly by the divorce of my parents eighteen years ago...oh man I just did the math, that those who are just turning eighteen were not born or just being born when my life went to hell. Sheesh that's crazy, now I know I am getting old! Anyways I really see that the loss of either parent being spiritual and having only one parent has effected me. Now in seeing more of this, actually i have always thought that has effected me but now I have seen how it has. Therefore it is now fact. So now many years later in my new year of restrengthening relationships from friends, community, family, myself, and even God, I find that I have much to work on and that I cannot do it alone and I am not alone in this battle. I have been let down and in a slump several times over and over. I abandon God and go back to my ways feeling more isolated and alone than ever before. Coming to know and understand God has taken second burner again. Starting to sound like Pharaoh now huh? Even this the two greatest commandments given where Love God with all our heart and then second was to love our neighbors as ourselves. (Matthew 22:37-40) It was during these times that I did love god, yet not with all me heart. I had space set aside for myself or selfish indulgences and all that fun stuff. Ok so it was not fun at all after all was said and done. Why do I get right back into these situations again? Is it God's will? Either way this may be his way for me to go through these hurtful and hellish relationships that I have felt, where I have burned, that after it is done I will come to seek and to love him with all my heart and understand a more true and genuine relationship. Then a greater fulfillment can occur. So my past really did set the playground for many of my issues of my current life. Do I want to stay there? I don't think so. I even had yet another moment of clarity...I know these things cannot be of my own accord, even at that they seem way to very co-incidental. Is that I know I have a great desire for a Godly wife. That desire has grown yet the milestone in this wonderful goal to try to reach is I overshot the runway. I said GODLY wife, yet in my heart what I meant was a godly WIFE. I wanted the wife that happened to be Godly but I forgot the first three letters of the two words GOD. I forgot above all to seek him first. So even again I forgot god when I did not want to be alone. Seems to be a pattern here. But I am greatful in the way all this has come to me this week. Now that the light has been shined upon this I can make.....no I cannot do anything, but only after loving and putting faith into God and letting his will be done all will be resolved. I have not been faithful as I know I should have. Tonight I saw this. I have not been faithful to anyone but myself. In fact in writing this...so many more thoughts have come up I would go on for hours on this post. I was in a funk. I felt very alone and isolated from all those around and several of whom I wanted to be close with. And then I cared but only for myself. In the fear that people stayed away because I whined or complained or came off as a complete angry jerk, I guess they were right to do so, I was. Tonight I got some feedback of something else I could do in those times I need to tell others of the troubles I am facing. I was right out happy in my complaining and clueless why no one would help or join me. I did not ask them to. Not even in a godly manner or anything to indicate hey could you please help me. I only complained. I am trying not to sound so narcissistic in this posting but seeing that it was me where the issues are, I do not know where else to start. I am not upset or down right now, in fact I am happy. Happy to know these things, to know what needs to be worked on and rebuilt with go, myself and others. I have not shown that I care for others, once again not being loyal or faithful. This is where I was wrong. I did not see this, it was and is a sin. Rooted deep into selfish pride. That I have not been able to see in this light without the grace and glory of God. I am thankful today. This was a good week. I was not alone. God was with me and I even found I forgot the holy spirit. How can I forget to ask and pray for that. The father, the son and the holy spirit.
posted by Tom at 10:38 PM
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Saturday, January 14, 2006
Dreams are weird. Once again I dreamed something of Narnia. It was crazy, well tame nothing really happened in it. But considering the dreams I just had before that. I dreamed that my Grandmother died. It really tore me up inside. Yet when I woke up recalling the dream, I then remembered that she has been dead for 5 years now. In fact the anniversary is coming up here soon.
It really sucked that I was working grave shift at the time and I had just gotten off of work. It was my last day of the week working and I had my three days off. I had planned on calling her that day. But news reached me before I got home and into bed that she had passed away a few hours ago. Exactly the time I looked at come chicken sandwiches I bought from McDonald's thinking should I eat them or not. Not if I were hungry or not, but rather if they would be nutricious or healthy for me. The kind of questions a grandmother would ask. I have never looked at a food and thought that except this one time. But in the dream I was hiding my sadness so that I could go on with getting things ready, but I ended up crying a lot, devastated that even though I did not have a girlfriend that now I have absolutely no woman in my life. Then I got worse in my sadness. I cant recall much more as It ended up in Narnia watching a story unfold and then waking up to my cell phone ringing. So why if she has been gone for so long did I dream this. It was so real that my typical lucidity in my dreams did not pick up on this. And why did a more current topic enter such as not having a woman in my life. That is bizarre. I do recall the thing I said after the no woman in my life comment, was ok maybe I am not alone and it is time to start looking. Is this another sign to start dating or eventually courting? A sign to say start the program so that I find a wife? Keep forth with the changes that God has been placing before me so that I will become the man he wants me to become and then I will attract the woman he wants to become my wife? Seeing this last week I saw areas that I could use some improvement on. Becoming more genuine taking interest in others. I know I have areas of selfishness that need to be worked on. At a stage to work on re-strengthen relationships but the first one should be the relationship with God. And working on that it is hard to grasp but becoming more evident the more we know the more we don't. And that I put more into wanting others that I have replaced them into something else. What are my expectations of others and the relationships with me and me with them? What do I expect? I may have been putting alot onto others. Then I have heard several times that in order to get the change I am seeking, anything from the right friends, better job, a wife, all the above, I need to cultivate that change first. And when cultivating that change you become what you are changing into and you attract what you are seeing to cultivate. An easy enough concept, yet a difficult one. But I do not fear as much about being alone forever. I feel that marriage is within my grasp...well then this is where I change the focus. I take it from putting it into god's hands and into mine. Thinking that if I were to do this then that will happen. Very linear thinking on my part. This too is something I need to resolve in my relationship with God. Even last night in bed I chose to think and daydream or whatever to help start the winding down going to bed phase, I thought about it and chose not to pray. I have not been very loyal in reading and prayer as I know I should be. My heart goes out to these requests yet I do not say them, I do not own them. I let the thoughts run around the yard all day long but I do not call them inside for supper*. I do have a place. I seem to forget it alot and get wrapped up in where I am that I become who I am not. I seem to forget God alot as well. Then again that I know I am not alone as there are plenty of others that do the same thing. I know I worship myself. I don't call it worship as I do not bow down and all that jazz, but I know that I do things to please me and endless in them. After a certain point we should stop yes? Nope I keep on going. I do not stop. Or I let things kinda slide off the radar and make an excuse for myself. I have not been as active as I could have been in thinking of others or doing for them. I do not mean short tasks as after a while some people expect your help on every thing like that, but where it really counts as in the walk with them, matters of the heart and soul not just raking leaves...so to speak. One example this week I was not as attentive to a friend whom I may have seen for the last time as he just moved to Oklahoma. He might be back he is not sure. I know that he has been having some issues and I have been out of the loop. But I did get in touch with him and got to hook up with him one last time. In fact I just called him. Left a message. But he does seem to be where he feels he should be. Yet that night I could not focus in on HIM more than myself or our chatter was nothing serious just friendly banter. Nothing wrong with this but it could have been more godly or more of a brotherly walk with him as he was about to embark on another journey. Back to women, they say treat them all the same, in general I guess, as if a man were to treat one woman like a queen and then not his mother or treat the other women in his life higher then after the "honeymoon" who is to say the man will treat her the same now that he has won his prize? But if I man were to treat the other women in his life fairly the same as sisters in christ he will do the same to the woman he pursues. If he treats one badly or belittles another woman in his life, he could and will do the same to all he pursues. What does this say of me? Well considering the relationships with women in my life...I would have to say forgiveness. My last serious girlfriend I still was angry with for so long. Then later our paths crossed again, and honestly at that time I was hoping to get laid again so I did things that were not very godly to say the least. Luckily nothing happened and I saw her more for what she was. It took some time to forgive her for the wrong she had done upon me when we were together previously. Then there is my mother where I need to get back to her and be firm to say if she wants to be in my life she needs more effort. She has hurt me so many times. I am still trying to forgive her. I am going forward with her in my life, yet I need that forgiveness to a higher degree. I have forgiven so much by the grace of God, but feel I need more for her. This was my first hurt and greatest hurt in my life. I am afraid that if I get into a relationship I would end up harboring bad feelings for that person. If I am to treat them as sisters in Christ I must be forgiving and not isolate them if things do not go well. I still need to cultivate and be there for them. I still need to be that brother in christ. I do believe that it is his plan for me to get married but there are things that need to change before this occurs. The big thing is that I seek him and want him more than I do a wife. Then there is the other issue is do I present myself as a brother in Christ? Do I come across as one who would make a godly husband? Or do I come off as a pervert or pushy, or that crazy old Tom? A wave of thoughts have just come across my mind so it is now time to let them flow. Maybe my dreams is how God has chosen to communicate with me...It's time for me to start actions in my life rather than waiting for some to occur. Serving, caring for others, initiating and cultivating....etc. Praying for others. Praying. In light of the seeking a godly woman to become a wife (since it was so dominate in my dream) then I must be and become the qualities that I seek? If that makes sense. I hope that I not forget this. Yes in the south we do supper not dinner. Dinner is a special occasion that costs money. Supper is the evening meal.
posted by Tom at 11:58 AM
3 comments
Friday, January 13, 2006
" that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. " (2 Corinthians 5:19-20)
posted by Tom at 8:39 PM
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Thursday, January 12, 2006
Ahhh notHing saved and I had to reboot therefore I lost the entire post...so this is from memory. Right when I had much reflected upon.
Don't ya love it after you type a whole line just to see that it was all in CAPS...grrrr. Anyways I do beleive I have a place, I just forget it alot. I froget about God and see where I am and often times I end up in more trouble than I did to ask what is my purpose in life. I can see the good being changed in me, the opne that others let me see so many times tonight. And when I thought I was alone or felt alone, I found there were others that are going through the same. So what does this mean? That for three days I hope to do some serious praying. Sunday after sermon, I will light up some candles, clean my room, print some emails and shut myself off from the world. I may even unplug my alarm clock. I need to take all that was shared with me this week and focus. Pray, ponder, meditate, and pray on these things.
posted by Tom at 11:45 PM
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006
What can be said? So much has come to me this last week. It has been filled with thoguht provoking emotions. I do not even have all the words for what was what or anything. Tonight i was asked where I was at with everything.
Ready to rebuild and restrengthen relationships. There are a few that need some refocus. One i got an answer on and know where I stand. One was renwed with a deeper understanding, one got more personal, and one I know it will take some work. Then there is me. All about me. I know I was wrong on much. But having fears confirmed and realized changes things. I have some work to do. Now seeking God and figuring out how to do that, learning Grace rather than anger... I think I have the destination marked, but now comes the part to take notes and look inwardly from the outside to grow. There is so much more and it would take me a novel to write it all out.
posted by Tom at 2:30 AM
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Monday, January 09, 2006
For the first time I really do not know what to say. I am still at an emotional semi-overload. There has been so much information and questiosn this week. So much that I cannot find the words to form anything coherent Some questions and fears have been answered. Well some fears were confirmed. Then the ponderings that were answered, it's not like it was "Wow I got the answer~!!!" it went out with a wimper not a bang. It just was and nothing more. But now wat do I do with all this info?
It will all make sense here soon, I hope.
posted by Tom at 11:08 AM
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Friday, January 06, 2006
These last few days have been wild on me spiriutally, emotionaly and physically. I have been sick and it got wrose. So I had to go in and sign a bunch of crap to get medicince becasue to too many meth heads using the good meds to create drugs with it. So I got the good stuff called Claritin D, it knocks the stuff right outta my system. That and I have gotten alot of sleep but have accomplished pretty much nothing. So I am behind and my areas of the apartment are a mess, well disorganized.
But the beef of this all is the thoughts and emotions I have been going through these last few days. I confronted two factors that I feel feel by the wayside and thus really hurt some relationships and spirituality with me. Well in confronting one of the issues some of it got turned on me. It was not supposed to be about me but the questions asked, really had to get me thinking and the same old questions seemed to come up having to face them with an external source, sorta hurt. After several lengthy emails we did get much sorted out, but I had to recall many other thoguhts and feelings. I do not know if a blog is safe for that info here or not. As now several others are involved but seeing how many relationships that were Godly that had me growing in Christ all seemed to drift away or became empty these last few months. I know life happens, but being back to no one but my own thoughts...I am trying to let his will be done. Yet I am tired of not having others to walk with towards Christ. Then I must admit that Sojourn, is full of many cliques. Every week now after sermon I try to talk to others, everyone is too busy, ignore me, already have plans, the end result is I end up walking around alot by myself looking for others to connect to, talk to, maybe set up a cup of coffee with later in the week. So I end up walking around standing by myself looking like a poor sap. This is growing tiresome. I thoguth things were lonely with my secular or anti-godly friends. I am finding it harder to find any supportive relationships going on. It as if I give off some radar that no one has told me about that causes others to run from me. So on top of being asked why I was lonely and cannot make friends to which I have no idea, as my answer was welcome to my life. This happens all over again and again. But I keep on going as best I can. One relationship this year it was said he felt he could no longer help me in my quest in growing spiritualy. Well with the other one it looks like it was a lack of God centeredness that we hope to change in group. I hope I can help my group becoem more God centered and bring back the sense of community that I so greatly desire and lack. But I know that some folks have a habit nad not listening to me. I mean I cannot persuade or get anyone motivated to joing in on a quest or anything. I cannot even sell to my friends and family. Does no one trust me? This is why I am scared to share the gospel. I may get part of it wrong or no one to believe me. Only creating a larger drift in that persons beleifs. So I guess I am not a motivator or persuader, a bringer of truth that is not listened to. Maybe one day I can tell soemone and I not get discredited. I cannot even tell my best friend of the Bible. Not even my father as I tried when i was younger to get him into church, it could have made a great way to heal him my brother, and myself after the divorce. yet as my best friend, I got a harsh tone of voice making me feel saddened that I ever brought it up. Then I am seeing thigns in the news that the christian life is coming under fire and scruntiny. I really don't know what to do. All I can do is take it to prayer but it does not soothe my soul as it keeps burning for a working peace. I seem to be getting burned everywhere I am looking to those I would consider or want close to me. The voices in my head (my own thoughts and feelings) and God is all I seem to have. I will keep fighting. That's all I can do. Why is it easy for others to have support and those in their lives that are there for them and nurish relationships and even ones who are blessed to have others to walk with them in christ and grow together spiritualy? And others do without? Why can some tell others of Christ and at least get a spark with them and those like me where no one wants to listen or tell me I am wrong in a condscending tone? The christian life is so much more lonely yet I do not feel like giving up no where near as badly as I did. The only examples I have seen of christians, well they seem to stick to themselves therefore cliques. To be honest I think I would rather talk to a brick wall, my conversations would go so much better. But in the news Sharon loosk close to death, the guy form the 700 club says its becasue he gave away part of Isreal, Dr. Mohler upset many homosexuals and much christian bashing has started, Italy there is a court case to prove there was no Christ as it was based on a different person...an actual court case on the footsteps of the headquarters of the church...catholic anyways, then the catholic vs protestants....division, diviosn, division. We may be coming into an age where we may be required to stand up for our God...but everyone has the same God? Everyone is right and everyone is wrong...so where does truth fit in?
posted by Tom at 6:54 PM
4 comments
Sunday, January 01, 2006
I have been away so long that I forgot how interacting with other christians makes me think. Tonight I made the comment:
That is the order of events and now being sick, well let's just say that I see areas that need improvement. Not only in my own life but in others. I feel there are a few folks that I need to be stern with and tell them how I see and feel things are. But I hope that i can do so in a loving, caring, and christian manner. But even formyself I see there is much need for change, well imporovement would be a better word. Tonights sermon what i could get out of it before my mind wandered away really did keep in check with one of the Larry Crabb cd's I have. The old way of laws was banished with the new ways of the cross. I think I have that right. Whereas old ways we did things in order to gain favor etc but in the new way we have not the power only christ. This is where I am at. Is trying to figure out what it is that I am doing that seeks myself and not that of Christ. Why can I not put to death things in my life. Maybe becasue we forget about God and we do not completly understand death. Now the cycle I spoke of the misbeleif theory is that there is a higher power as we cannot be here without one. We cannot exist out of nothingness and my brains shuts down when i try to fathom the slightest aspect of it. So there is a God yes? This ties into the arguemnt that me and a friend had that sent me inti the funk over the holidays. It comes down to a matter of faith. There is no way to prove the bible, no way to prove God nor is there a way to prove existance from nothingness. How can anyone say there is not God or higher power? This baffles me. How can you explain it when we are made from a first this then that, yet with faith it is just do it. Anyways this brings me back to stop trying, or try not to try, to do things and let it up to God. Really focus in on mhim rather than the issue. While some issues God wants us tot take care of but while we are doing it that is when to do it for God not becasue we were told to. This is where I fail, is forgetting this in light of God. It still scares me that knowing all this I try I may still end up in hell. Or anyone for that matter. Now one thing that I feel that I have missed out on in christianity is the power of self. Even the batitudes picks up on this is that self will get you no where. But to think of others think of God above ourselves. See mark 10:45 as each version tells it differently one tells of a slave, one a minster, and one a servant. It does hit on the fact that Christ was here not for himself but for others, for all. To be more Christlike is to seek others. Maybe this is one area where I can improve upon and think of others and serve them. To serve more than I am or have. I have spent much time on myself that I have forgot others. Especially in my prayers. I end up praying for myself more than others. Thinking my world needs fixing the most yet when I do not persevere for others I am seeking myself. I have been trying to fix my own vessel I do not give help to others ships passing by in the seas of life. And when I do sometimes it feels only to help to build up my ship in some trade-off. When things are bad do we stil seek God? Not me. I get wrapped up in wanting things to get better like I have done good and want him to heal me faster.Even a noble reasoning yes, it is not a God centered logic. Taking it to the cross, taking it to the new covenant...I am starting to see a picture of what this means but I know that i am far off from this. After missing sermon for a few weeks, I was glad that I went to the one tonight. It did me some good. If even to get back around others to help me refocus. Hopefully soon I will heal. And then get started on fixin up a few things, god willing that is. If I want greater community on community group....I need to bring community to others. More thoughts to come. No spellchecker yet.
posted by Tom at 11:44 PM
3 comments
A new year is here and I am sick. I tend to get sick the same time every year around mid December to early January. And it snuck up on me again. When I am sick I get very ritualistic and things have to be done at certain times in certain order etc. I get super picky and I do it without giving it any thought whatsoever.
What are my resolutions? Well they are all God centered or they need to be. So I hope I do not forget that.
What the best thing about all of these is that it's all a part of one big thing, which is putting self to death. This can only be done back in my walk with Christ and journeying towards that. Then I can see that all of these request are linked to selfishness and pride so once that is worked on all the others issues upon that foundation will start to be effected at the same time. Now I did a count and I read 13 books last year. One I already started on the previous year but had half of it read very beginning of this last year so I counted it with 2005. Purpose Driven life, Phil Warren. Not a bad lil book. I had just started going to Sojourn and this book helped give me a kick off and started to see things in a different way. Not a bad beginners book. I had found no one else to discuss this book with was the only downside. Every Man's battle, Steve Arterbun. This book gets a bad review from me. He did start off real well and was talking to every man, then halfway through it he only talked to the married men and left out the ones that struggle as hard if not more while they were single. It is a waste of money in my opinion. this was the first book I read in battling for sexual purity. 48 days to the work you love, Dan Miller. Not to bad it had some good points and a few very good laughs. But it did not give a clear outlined plan to find a new job in that amount of time. This is a good book if you read it with a few people to get a good idea and discuss what works and does not. Alas the same thing I read it alone and no one to discuss. It was a good godly centered way of viewing work ethics and jobs. The Naked Christian, Craig Borlase. This was the first book I bought from relevant.com. He really put a healthy up front in your face view of how we should be as Christians and become authentic and real. That was the big push authentic Christianity. Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris. This was the first book I got of his. This was a very good book and put a nice view on christian dating and courtship. It had some great stories in there but really focused in on the godly way of doing it. It really changed the way I looked at dating and courtship. Which was a very loose term for me until this book. I do highly recommend. Growing your faith, Jerry Bridges. This was a phenomenal book. I was given this book by the pastor during my first partnership meeting. I was asked to read this and discuss with my accountability partner. This really did help me get a better understanding into my faith and answered a few questions. I did get to read with and discuss this book so that helped very much alot. It was a simple read yet so profound it took me days to get past a page or two as it was so much. This was a very enlightening book. Out of the depths of sexual sin, Steve Gallagher. This at first i thought was another book about sexual sins and stuff like that. It was but it was more of a biography from Steve Gallagher where he started off in California where sexual sin dominated his life. He tells of his journey from then until now where he leads Pure Life Ministries to help battle sexual addicted men break the cycle. It shows more of how his ministry got started and how he ended up here in Kentucky just south of Cincinnati. At the alter of sexual idolatry, Steve Gallagher. This had to be the most profound book I read last year. This took it from a "sin" where I thought it was just an issue of lust to something much deeper. Lust is at the surface but this one really backed everything up with biblical principles. It has verses every other paragraph almost. And he came to help me understand that it is deeply rooted in pride. Until this book I was never convicted of Pride being one of my sins. After this my journey really took on a new path with the help of a few other circumstances. But this book is to be given much credit. I highly recommend this one. The cross centered life, C.J. Mahaney. This was a great short read. What I was going through at the time I was not able to grasp or let soak in most of it but it did get me known of Horatius Bonar a great hymnist and then listening to not only christian music but God Centered music to focus in on the cross. I would like to go back through this one. I will get to hear more from Mahaney in May at the New attitude conference. Come Thirsty, Max Lucado. This is another book I would not recommend as it was ok I guess. It had a few good points but the point was to come thirsty from Christ, yet it left me parched. Not even thirsty. I think it was too watered down in my opinion. Now he has had some other goodies but I think I happened to get a dud. Not even a hint, Joshua Harris. This book was recently renamed but is still a good book. This time he tackles lust and dealing with it in a christian manner. It is not a bad book. It was not as good as the one from Gallagher. It is easy to understand and is written in a way that most people can relate to it. This one does give you more of an idea of actual things to do while you battle and bringing others in. This does give one major point to bring others in for accountability. Startling Beauty, Heather Gemmen. This I first heard of from a podcast For Faith and Family. This is her journey from being raped and how it effected others around her and her family. This was a very easy read as it read like her talking to you in person. This really showed how her faith was effected and was even rebuilt and how God can restore people. This was a good one to read if you love a good real life story. I do recommend this book. There was one more but I loaned it out and forgot the title. I think it was how good is good enough. It was a small "life changing" books. Once again it was a quick read. It makes a great gift as it can give you a thought or two. you can learn a lot by what a person reads. I want to read more. In fact Television and movies have been down for me. I of course read more of the bible this year than any other year. I do have nearly a 14th book read and have 2-3 I started and another 7 I have but have yet to read. So that's about another 10 books in line but I think Narnia will come in and be read before those I think. I can't get Narnia out of my head after watching the Silver Chair.
posted by Tom at 11:07 AM
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links.tom links.other sojourn.blogs blogs.other blogroll.christian Thy way, not mine, O lord Thy way, not mine, O Lord, However dark it be; Lead me by Thine own hand, Choose out the path for me.
Smooth let it be or rough,
I dare not choose my lot;
Take Thou my cup, and it
Choose Thou for me my friends,
The kingdom that I seek
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