The more I think about it the more I relize the movie Crash is so very realistic it hurts. There are parts everyone hates in the movie and even makes some folks downright uncomfortable. Yet there are two parts that stand out for me. It is just to very real it is hard for me to consider it a movie.

The opening scene with Dan Chadelle's character Det. Graham

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

I mean really think about it. It may not complety be a physical touch, it could also be a mental touch a feeling, ya know to feel that you exsist. That we all may cause reactions (predestined or random) just to crash into others or conflict just to feel that we are there, alive, justified, and righteous in all we do. Its the feeling invisible that hurts. More than folks could ever know.

Now the Character played by Sandra bullock, I really did not like her. It was amazing to see her really act for once, but the character was well she grew on me. It was not until the end I really could see her for what she was. She was like me. I do not agree with how she thgouht or treated others but needless to say I could understand where she was coming from.

At one point she was on the phone trying to talk to her sister or best friend for comfort, just to get a few things off her chest. And she was at what I really connected to as a critical conversation. Well as that has happened to me so many times I could see that she was hurting as much as she was angry.

She was telling the person on the phone that she wakes up every day angry. She soes not know why but she hopes the next day will be better but she is still always angry.

I am angry all the time... and I don't know why.

This is when I saw her pain. This I feel so many times. And when I have tried to confide in others or share it, no one wants the burden and goes away during the critical parts.

Most folks, like I did at the beginning of the movie, look at those angry as mean or evil and we stay away from them. Yet there are many times where the person living in anger is living an imprisoned life. They are hurting more than anything else. Yet no one sees hurt or wants to see hurt. They would rather look for an excuse to shun them or stay clear of them. I need to watch this movie a million more times. It really reflects alot of life. And it's not just life in L.A., it is also life here in town. Local. Hometown. Everywhere.

Speaking of movies I did watch a good one last ngiht that really put me in a good mood. At least one I wish I had time to reflect upon it as I had to go to work again. It was The Body with Antonio Banderas. Just watching it and the three major religions Christianaity (Catholics), Judaism, and Islam and the claims to Jerusalem, it shows that there are three distinct sides and so much anger and hostility towards the others, well not really. It seems that Christians are not as quick to condemn as the otehr two sides are. It was not the whole religion, it was sects and pockets of them. Where much anger and hatred exsist.

Well looking at the character played he was a catholic preist sent to determine if some bones found were that of Christ. Well during all this you saw his faith put on the line. And it came out somewhere in the ballpark where I belive. Is that his faith in God is what stayed. But his faith in man, well the materialism and hidden agendas.

I thought I had lost my faith in Christ, in God, my savior, my friend. But I had didn't. I've lost my faith in serving men like you or Moshe Cohen, who use God to justify their material agendas. That's why I now choose to serve God in my own personal way.

So needless to say afterwards he quit the preisthood. But that same thing is something that has been on my heart for a while now. Looking at one my own agendas and how much I label them as God, yet even moreso when I have seen man label thigns as God or the way and back it up with whatever scripture, thoughts, or beleifs...I too have started loosing faith in Men. Even the ones God seems to have saved. Or so many claim, self included.

I have missed a few thigns about church. The movie last ngiht the Catholics really did not call it church, they refered to it as her. Which is a great ackowledgement of the church as the bride of christ. I do beleive that Catholics and Protestant both should come together as the division is not right, and yet I think both sides have some solid foundations that could lead to christ.

But walking away form that movie I saw a man that through it all battled and kept his faith. Became stronger and stof up for it. It was within itself very motivational.

It helped me to see that some of my beleifs and the path I was on, need to change. Things are not going to be the same again and I mean that for the good. It's not a choice, I see things are different. I just need that recharge. Batteries are low but not drained.

My faith may have been misplaced. As it was not gone, it was misplaced in other things. There have been a few aspects I have kept. Who knows. Tonight should be a good night. I am having dinner with the Hope guys. I can't wait to see what comes of it. So I better nap early today. Maybe thay can live up to their name and help me restore some Hope. :)