Well I sit here now back at square one. A job that I hate leaving me to question my value in society and with God. I did not get the job with the policve department. I guess it was too good to be true. The dream of a job with steady hours, is what seems worse odds than winning the lottery. I hate feelin trapped. And that I do. I hate my job and I can't do anything about it.

Bt tongiht I think I really will take to some prayerful meditation. I really need that connection. Since work is such a drain. And then I hate basketball this same time every year and my roomate is playing a basketball video game....I wonder if he knows how much I loathe it right now?

But in reality I never seem to find a job that I want. I can't break into photography no matter how hard I try. Well most americans hate thier jobs. so that makes me red white and blue all the way american, I hate my job. But the photography joba, even the ones that do not pay very much I cannot get. I can't just take a lower paying job as thigns are tight enough as they are.

I hate this feeling of suffering. I feel I offer nothing to man nor God. My faith is not accepted at work and I cannot show them christ like life, as it is near impossible to bring christ to work. Actually it's getting harder to bring christ anywhere outside your home these days.

But the main point is, this is very discouraging. I have been looking for a job for over a year now.

But Saturday is going to be a good day. I got hours off of work so that I can go to the budgeting seminar at Sojourn and then a wedding that night. I am really looking forward to that. A night where I have no worries of work and get to be around people I enjoy, care, and serve to. In fact other than a nap, the day will be spent with other christians. A day that I rarely ever get to have. That might be the redeeming day of this week.

Let's see what I get out of prayer tonight. Who knows.