Ramblings and Reflections

Sunday, April 24, 2005
As I sit here in my cold apartment. Yes for once I am cold. I am in a dilema...they turned off the heat. So I have no heat to counter the cold freakin weather. I slept with a sheet, comforter, and two blankts on top of that....and I even wore my sweat pants as pajamas...now as I write this i sit here wrapped in a blanket and baking a pizza, only so the oven can try to double as a heater, which I will use for in a few minutes. Yesterday I woke up feeling like crap and I know why....as soon as I went to my balcony and felt how cold it was....its a step back for my congestion. And after thestorm friday night all the pollen and everything got blown around. Sheesh. Im ok though really. just rambling about it.

Today will be a fun day. I get to see the film I made on the big screen. It wasnt as big as I wanted it to be but it's still good. Its nice and expressive. But then I will have to go to work and that will suck.

I have started podcasting, its a program to record many talk shows on the internet and save them into an ipod. So I got a few from the godcast network. Some were good, some were, well they didn't impress me. Kinda good to take along a sermon or two and listen at work or whenever.

I did get some exercise last ngiht on the treadmill for half an hour. So that's two days now I have. I am starting to crave unhealthy foods less. Like I wanted subway rather than cheap two for three at Rally's. Now everything I see that if I were to have more exercise I would have more energy, loose weight, and work off stress. This is good. I am pushing for that goal more and more.

Now my recent reflections, thanks to relevant.com, has been focused on I guess breaking me of my own personal desires and wanting what God wants. This is an encouracing and very challenging situation.

WHen I was graduation high school my goals were to go to school, graduate, get me a good paying job, find a woman, settle down, marry, have children, ya know the whole shabang. Fast forward over almost nine years later still single and have an ok paying job. Even trying to bettermyself.

Last year I tried so hard to get enough money to go to a nice photography school up north but I just could not do it. Now if I had gotten to go there I would not have found sojourn. I would not be where I am in my walk, my journey, my faith. Even though today I go through some struggles, I feel ok about it. I feel bettter going through them than I once did.

It seems I have rambled on alot once again. But all in all it feels good to know that
1.) God is loving.
2.) God's will may not be known now, but it tends to work out.
3.) I am not alone in my walk or my struggles.
4.) Love is being redefined every day it seems. Its more than a 4 letter word.
5.) I need to learn more patience and break my owm selfish ambitions, desires and want Gods will be done, not mine
6.) It seems that Pride and envy are my sins too. In fact I think I may be at 5 or 6 of the seven.


Alas I am cold and its time to pretend campfire around my oven. and let the pizza bake.

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    Thy way, not mine, O lord


    Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
    However dark it be;
    Lead me by Thine own hand,
    Choose out the path for me.

    Smooth let it be or rough,
    It will be still the best;
    Winding or straight, it leads
    Right onward to Thy rest.

    I dare not choose my lot;
    I would not, if I might;
    Choose Thou for me, my God,
    So I shall walk aright.

    Take Thou my cup, and it
    With joy or sorrow fill,
    As best to Thee may seem;
    Choose Thou my good and ill.

    Choose Thou for me my friends,
    My sickness or my health;
    Choose Thou my cares for me
    My poverty or wealth.

    The kingdom that I seek
    Is Thine: so let the way
    That leads to it be Thine,
    Else I must surely stray.

    Not mine, not mine the choice
    In things or great or small;
    Be Thou my Guide, my Strength
    My Wisdom, and my All.

    ~Horatius Bonar