Tonight was great. In fact here a sunday night and I am home. ANd no work the next day. Two days in a row off...what a change. I hope it lasts.

Now the after sermon snack was a pb&j fest. In fact there was so much left over they were begging people to take some home. So I practically took home a loaf of pb&j, man after being broke so much it's like eating gourmet for once. That was the icing on the cake.

After that I went over to Mike's and we filmed one more scene but I could not keep a straight face long enougn and kept laughing, so needless to say it took more than one take. Hah it was fun acting though. Lots of fun. I have always wanted to be an actor but never really got a chance to. Did some fun french skits on high school. How I miss thoses days.

Now for the beef of the matter. It seems I am in a series of working through some thoughts and issues with my faith. Which is a great thing. In fact where I left off was trying to think of how I am self focused, even though I am trying to better myself for God. Well guess what was discussed during sermon today.

So now I want to focus on how self focused I am, in fact this is something Lorie left a comment on and posted to a while back. I was just pondering on that thought.

Well in a nutshell here is what I am dealing with....seems it has gotten bigger:
1.) Add envy to my list of sins
2.) Want to focuson on how self centered I am vs living in the glory of God, am I living for him or to gain favor for me?
3.) My sins...I feel I may be getting closer to really needing to sit down with my sins. Eventually confess them and do something about them. As I can't just wake up and make them go away.

This burden haunts me every now and then. In fact its typically when I am getting deeper into my faith. In fact I am scared, terrified to confront them. Even if it is myself. And everytime in sermon when they ask we take time to confess or look at our sins....I runs away and hide, get on my pride horse with shield to get away from it. When I get off that horse and shield to look around at those sins its like being on the moon of degoba....except I see no lil green man to walk me throught the swamps.

This has been a great few days and really I have hit some issues. But I know there is still a wall to tear down and conquer first. How can I forgive others when it's hard to forgive myself?