Today is officialy day one of being sick. How wonderful. And on a week I cannot pray for myself. Ya know there is a word called timing....i think its to perfect sometimes. I still am keeping to my word and not paying anything for myself, outside of giving thanks.

Today I learned.......do not let milk go old, and two months later throw it out as by then it is no longer milk and now I think twice about putting it in my cereal. If you do forget, do yourself a favor adn DO NOT pour it down the sink unless you can handle certain odors.

Now back on topic.....It has been on my heart for anopther self or God imposed challenge. It is one of those things that gets on my mind and stews. It picks up heat until boiling then I do it. Typicaly once something is on my mind like that there is but one option and that is to do it. After reading my friend Bobby's blog it did hit home on a few things, that and sermons, even my weekly accounability and community group. It is getting to the point I feel I need to confront the men in the mirror as stated in my previous posts.

Now much like my story I sent out, it will be more butally honest than that. In fact it will be a huge step if I am able to go through it. I need to identify the one master, myself, my sins, my behaviors, choices, everything. List them one by one.

The first step is to identify them all. Then start working on them. Now sharing them...that will be the next large part. I feel there is a story to be told or just a way of people getting to know me, including myself.

I mean how many people really know me? then again how well do I really know myself? If I continue to fall into my same traps every time. Maybey sharing it is too large a step, but then that way there will be no hiding. No more running. but to then deal with it all. Hmmm one chapter at a time maybe. That way I can concentrate....maybe have enough for an actual book?

We hide behind ourselves alot from God and others. We are often times afraid of letting anyone in and sharing. Or seeing problems that we could be a part of the solution but we hide in our own iniquities and behaviors. I am starting to feel that this is the one sin, the huge sin and the rest fall right under it.

I know there is alot more to this but I cannot get them all into words right now. But for now I shall ponder on this as if it is in my heart I shall do this. Really set it all free? But then.......

Well for now back to cleaning and trying to feel better. God is moving in my life, when I let him....and now hes tapping me on the shoulder. ANd there is only one way to get him to stop.