I think today was an overload. Just a lot went down all at once. Now in stead of one topic I have two to three to ponder and meditate upon. I guess that can be a good thing if any. Today at work did go much better. Barely talked to anyone, seemed to get some stuff done. But still could not focus like I know I could or wanted to. But that's a story for later.

Now I am in my happy place. And God is here...but it didn't used to be that way. So in reality it means I am sitting here with my thoughts and listening to some Christian music listening to the lyrics and thinking upon the thoughts from todays topics.

Its nice to know how things get updated so fast. One of the topics I was having an issue with has now been resolved while I was writing this. The person who originated the post I spoke with him and came to a much better understanding about being angry at God. Pretty much with the exception of a few wording choices me and the article made the same argument. After I could see that the one line that threw it all for a loop was a double negative and I only saw one negative thus negating my whole argument.

But it's all good now that I understand what we were talking about. Then today while home on lunch I got the rejection letter from the job I was hoping to get. So now my focus is not going to be getting a new job, well its not the primary focus. It is now trying to see what God's plan for me is. What is the purpose I cannot get into a new job. Why is it I can only stay where I am at while I am unhappy and force my body through unhealthy sleep patterns?

I know he as a plan for me and I want to feel that it's part of what he is calling me to do or become. Maybe if I had gotten that job it would have taken me away from that. Or being at work makes me depend on God so much more. Its not fun going through a mid-twenties crisis. Even though it is not recognized by many. But a mid-life crisis is. Well I am in the mid twenties-crisis. Where too old to be a child and too young to be an adult, but I am treated as one none the less.

After reading an article Lorie posted on her blog today I really got to thinking. And after the mystery comment I received the day before I am also thinking. If I had gotten my way and went to school for photography up in MA I would not have found sojourn. I would not be as close or drawing to God as I am now. So now I take comfort in knowing I am where God wants me to be. Or going in that direction.

So tonight I shall pray and meditate upon that God's will be done not mine. To accept that will and live it. God reveals who he is this is true. When he does we find ourselves. Over and over the last few days the verse “any man who looses himself will truly find me” (from what I recall of it). Also concerning sins of the past vs who I am now and vs the man I am coming to be in the eyes of God.......

"Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal ... but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

Why dwell and let them haunt me. I believe in Christ yes? And I sinned a huge yes. But Christ died for those sins. Those sins are gone. God is tomorrow. Maybe now is the time to look forward to God and tomorrow instead of figuring out who I am and was.

And Isaiah has also been on my heart. 43:10...god has ransomed us, called us by name, we are his. And he will walk through the troubles with us.

And this brings comfort.