I hope I used the abbreviation for continued.....

Ok I know that I had a struggle there for a day or two with the sins of my past. The major ones that haunted me I prayed on and really hada a nice long prayer. Now to follow up on that I am drawing closer to God and when he reveals himself to me I find that I am becoming more christ like and the easier it is becoming to forgive myself. But the closer I draw to god the less I worry about forgiving myself. I am sorry for what I have done, I do regret it this is true. I cannot undo any of them mo matter how great the are.

But that's what I love about God. I confessed my sins and asked for forgiveness. Then I started agian drawing towards him. I did not feel as bad I felt better knowing that I had laid them out. Drawing closer to God the fears of having those come back tome...I do not fear them as much as I know that God will be there with me, walk through those troubled waters and give me everything I need to make it through whatever does or does not happen. And that is very encouraging.

He is that forgiving father dreassed in white when I am coming home all nice and muddy. I cannot blame God for my mistakes either. As I am the one making them. And this is where I am feeling more sins and guilt for them each and every one.

And here is the greatest revelation I have come to with sin....
...we are all sinners and becasue of this we die
...Even the pure or good folks in the bible died too
...Adam and Eve created death from the first sin
...we all die today from that sin as we sprang froth from them
...Even Jesus died therefore logic indicates he sinned too?
...The greatest revelation is that Jesus did not sin so if you think about it he would/could not die but he took the sins of the world...everyones and died for them.

And that is the huge thought. I mean breaking it down like that. So that anyone who beleives in him, and walks in his path drawing towards God shall be forgiven.

God has revealed to me that I really am weak but with him I grow stronger. He has called us each by name (Isaih 43:1-2), to not dwell on the past put push forward to the goal of heaven, of tomorrow (Phil 4:12-14), The closer we draw to God the closer he draws to us (James 4:8).

It comes down to setting my goals away from me and towards heavan. It's a long process, it's not easy. But worth it.

So very thankfully I am able to deal and cope with previous lifetime of mistakes and bad times by asking forgiveness and seting my heart back to God. I can't say I wont feel sorrow for them again, but I know that God really can help me out. Always has and always will.