Tom Branch - Roads of Faith

I guess in order to make sense of this all I should start from the beginning. These last two weeks have been wonderful for me. They have been very based in the word and prayer. Well not as much as it might ought to be, but it has been a lot more than it was. Consistent too which is also a first for me. Well I have been but never like this.

Friday I was to meet up with two folks and I was ready for a eye opening day something spiritually uplifting and I came away angry actually. I blocked it off though. Put up my defensive walls and played the game so to speak. This stayed with me. There were two points that upset me but there was one that really has rubbed me the wrong way. I was very upset and frustrated. Not immensely but enough that It dominated more thoughts than I would have liked to.

All this over the point of sarcasm. Now here comes the kicker. I know it does speak against this in Ephesians, directly says sarcasm depending on the translation. But that to me is a translation issue. Regardless if you do look at the whole picture sarcasm may not be a very beneficial thing. Sometimes downright ungodly. You can tell me it is wrong. This I can deal with. But the message was not bad for godly means. It came off as one who does not like it and would rather stay uptight. In my opinion.

That is what I saw and the request for the no sarcasm came off very ungodly. So much that I ignored the request as it being a self-righteous request from those that made it of me. If I had heard God in there, I could have been convicted. But alas I did not. I heard two persons personal campaign to squash it regardless just because they did not like it.

No where did I hear God in the request. As once they came off that self-righteous attitude i could feel their minds were icy and closed off to any reason or logic understanding or meet God in the middle and go from there. Nothing. Closed minded completely. It was a case of an external issue and not one of the heart. I would have listened if it were.

I stayed upset. In fact as I write this I still have some feelings about this. It is wrong for them to do so and make this request. The day went on. In fact later that night I had some folks over and we played the board game RISK and had a lot of fun. Many laughs. And with it being all men....you can imagine. Sarcasm was everywhere around! It was all in good fun. I later thought back on this night and was like hahah sarcasm that! I wished they were there so they would have exploded their heads in complete craziness.

Saturday comes up on me. I have started listening back to What's so amazing about grace. Just listening to this did help point me out one thing. While I was so mad at them in how the request came of me, I totally became the hypocrite. That for the first time I saw that I am self-righteous. Two year ago I was not. Even at that it was face value and therefore had no meaning. But I see how I am now.

While I was upset I felt justified in being upset. I was well withing my rights to be angry. To be labeled sarcastic and uncaring. Might have well called me Satan and put three sixes on my head or something. But I saw that I was very bitter over this. I was wronged and I was better than them for I understood and they did not, they even refused so therefore I was clean and they were dirty.

Well all this after it really hit me that I thought I was right they are wrong and I am better than they...it hit me. I really am self-righteous. So I took this to confession in prayer. I am still trying to understand in confession to myself over this. Talk about pride. I took it to scripture. I read some of the book and got some good notes.

It only begins with pride and self-righteousness but it continues on the other side of the coin of grace and forgiveness. Forgiveness and grace are needed in all relationships. I see that with the closes around me and those that do mean evil for me. Even in the sarcasm in a matter of heart, yeah I can see where that needs work. Listening to those I walk with spiritually (in this case) I see that they did not lead me to Christ in this request. Yet God did. Scripture pointed me to him.

Last week I learned this valuable lesson:

You search the Scriptures because you believe they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me! Yet you refuse to come to me so that I can give you this eternal life. John 5:39-40 (New Living Translation)

I came to scripture and see that I have failed in this one area of my heart. But now I have to take this to him. I have and will continue to do so. Prayer and confession have only started the healing a bitter heart. I read this that gave me comfort and helped me to understand that sarcasm may need some working of the heart.

A sanctified heart is better than a silver tounge. Thomas Brooks (Puritan Preacher)

The words A sanctified heart......this jumped out at me and instead of rubbing my nose in it as one would a dog, it rubbed my heart in it. Sanctification comes only from one place, one person, one all. Him. Taking this and the scripture from John to heart...it is he who has set works in me and to him should I turn to.

This morning I think it was I turned back to scripture again. This time I picked up my devotional bible and started flipping just to find somewhere to start. It took half a second, literally when i came up on a devotion called you are proud and cocky. I paused. Looked up to my ceiling trying to guess what he was wanting to tell me. It was a half funny moment but spooky with the timing none the less. The story was sorta weak I thoughttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.quote.gifht. It did not jump at me. But the scripture did.

Take control of what I say, O LORD, and keep my lips sealed. Don't let me lust for evil things;don't let me participate in acts of wickedness. Don't let me share in the delicacies of those who do evil. Psalm 141:3-4 (New Living Translation)

Which comes after a few times recently praying (not word for word) psalms 139:23-24 has brought me to a second lesson. That I should not put too much into man. I should not put anyone above the Lord in any area of life. I looked to them for spiritual guidance but more so than I did to scripture, and even scripture more than I did towards God.

I was upset I guess as I felt they failed me. But I failed God by putting more into them than he. Even in sermon the previous week it was said do not put your family above god. That is a hard one to swallow but if we do put family above, we fail to acknowledge that life on earth is temporal and not eternal. While seeking God we may have a family, yes, but our family is a small family to what we would have on the other side of the clouds.

It is better to trust the LORD than to put confidence in people.Psalm 118:8 (New Living Translation)

Being wronged, I think I may have brought some of it on myself as I was bitter over the wrong reason. I wasn't as mad as it not being a godly request, but that it was actually made to me. I too missed the heart of the issue. Self righteousness blocks the heart and closes minds. It did to us all in that room the other day. But I can only account for myself at this point. But the opposite of this is grace.

Grace and forgiveness have been a big issue for me. Healing some serious wounds from my mother nearly two decades ago, I see that it may be time to let go and put faith back in God. Read that the word forgive has the base word give. That is so very deep. It now means something different. Forgiving is not just saying it's ok, it is giving those that wronged you something in return. Grace? Maybe. It is giving back to them that you will not record this wrong and love them in spite (I think that's the right word for this) of what they did unto you. Forgive or for GIVE? I like the latter.

Now this brings a great opportunity to pray for them. Well anyone who wrongs you, it is a chance to pray for them. Pray for our enemies and even those that are close and wrong us. I read something that quoted Bonehoffer

Through the medium of prayer we go to our enemy, stand by his side, and plead for him to God. Jesus does not promise that when we bless our enemies and do good to them they will not despite fully use and persecute us. They certainly will. But not even that can hurt or overcome us, so long as we pray for them...We are doing vicariously for them what they cannot do for themselves. (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship. New York: Macmillan, 1959, pp.134-35)

I think in context this was for our enemies that does not know Christ or are unbelievers. But it does show us setting our time for those who are not us or wrong us even defile us we are giving them time, even greater than time we are giving them our heart.

We must for GIVE as it is commanded and if we are to be for GIVEn.

Now the big picture. This has been such a great revelation of who I am. Above accepting at face value. Now that the true value has been established at least. What if this were to happen in a family? Or even one day to a wife? This may have been a great test in relationships this weekend. I see that I am even more a sinner now and that there is still an area on this journey to work on. I do not want to carry this over into family values when this comes along. But it does show me grace and forgiveness is needed in all relationships. Among those we fear, those we love, and those we like even those we do not know.

To love others as we love ourselves...this to hit me like a bag of razors. Once again this weekend or the sarcasm discussion for example. Even my mother would be a great example. The two greatest commandments 1.) love god with ALL our hearts and 2.) love everyone (neighbors) as we do ourselves. If I do not forgive them then that reflects that I an unforgivable. That by not extending this love as commanded in the second greatest commandment would make me not love myself.

God has been so wonderful to me this week. Two weeks. Year. Two years. Many more years. This weekend I guess he said get off yourself the way to me is not from man or scripture and defiantly is not from myself. Man does not live of bread alone, or fellowship, or scripture, or funny spiritual feelings in your gut after sermons. Stop the contemptment and come to me. Come home.

It has een a blessing to see how much things have been changing or coming to surface after reading scripture much more frequently. It has also been a blessing to see him at work in the lives of others. This too warms my heart.

Anger and bitterness arose from self righteousness. The opposite:

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5 (New International Version)

Now to answer my own blog. A journey seeking. I now have an answer (that has been brewing for sometime)

A journey seeking...grace, forgiveness and shalom.

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