I guess these last two days have been, well godless but knowing his presence was there when I wasnt ignoring him. There is much I should be praying on here lately. It seems that I am about to really have to walk with others along my journey and that well is a dunno. Right now there are many thoguhts flowing through my mind and it is hard to collect them all. At least to form cohearent sentences.

In a nutshell the lack of intimacy creates lack of charachter. I see that the lack of intimcay with God is creating a barrier from the identity I am seeing in him. And from what I have felt and see, it is a whole different Tom.

I have looked over my budget a few more times and I can afford to take the dance classes I wanted to. But it will take a month or two before I can start that. Everytime I listen to Goody Two shoes from Adam Ant or Mambo#5 from Lou Bega I get all jumpy at work. I want to get lost in songs like that for hours. In fact at the wedding this weekend they had some jazz playing and the uber breif reception. And just standing there I got to feeling better by the minute.

I can't wait to learn how to swing and jive and all that jazzy type stuff. I have liked the music but never got into until I saw the movie "Take the lead" After that I got very interested in it.

I did ask around and look into it but got discouraged when I saw how much it would end up costing me knowing that I am not under that much control over finances right now. I just cannot save or get ahead, but I can make ends meet.

Now this weekend looking over finances, I see that Hey if I want the dancing, I might wana try and earn it. Realy set a goal. Get my expenses down and do some lessons 3 times a month. Then after that for a while, reduce the lessons to a monthly membership yadda yadda yadda.

That way I can say I feel I deserve or have earned the dancing. Actually that is a dangerous thought within itself, as it should be knowing that I am paying thosw who I am in debt to first before I spend on myself. I will be doing both at once but still it is a first step.


.................. more to come