Well so far I have been in the job market for 16 months trying to get in the door of somehting I love to do. And so far I get to feel stuck at a job that is to physically demanding of my health and sleep. I have tried part time (side) jobs and even some that would be full time, even some that the pay would be extremely lower with a foot in the door position and all of them do not happen.

I have found a few real good photography jobs this year so far. All of which were false hopes. Some would look great and then hear nothing back. SO I stay where I am at. This does get frustrations and then adds to lack of motivation for the art.

And yesterdays even, even though I was upset, I could see a parallel to within the situation. The night before I was really getting ready. I was searching my old notes from class, putting together a portfolio for the first time ever. I really liked my beard too. No clippers only a razor, so needless to say that took some serious time to shave. It was a close shave too. Did laundry that night, printed off extra copies of resume and refrences, set my alarm clock, just getting in the zone.

WOke up went to the interview, it was raining so traffic was crazier, but there was one guy who let me over at a crucial point! Someone is looking out for me making sure I am there on time! What a good omen I thought, well god happening rather. I make it in and we start the interview. The first thing was asked if I had an associates. they forgot to mention that you must have one for the position. Technically that ended the interview. Not even 30 seconds it was over. This was the fastest one I had ever had.

When I walked in the room a few seconds before there was my former teacher there. It was good to see him. But then I quickly realized he too was part of the interview process. They did appolagise and then asked if I would like for the to review some of my stuff. I was more than glad to.

It was the best professional level critique ,from someone who knows the field, that I have ever had. There were lots said but every bit was encouraging. Never did they turn me away from things, they just said I would need an associates, shoot shoot shoot shooot shoot and shoot again, the biggest thign was experience, even shoot the mundane things too. This would only take one thing...time.

This does paralell my walk with God as well. I know this road will take time, practice, and discipline. They did not turn me from that road but they did encourage me towards it. In thinking of the paralell I see that snapshot of the man God wants em to be. I see that snapshot a great many a times. Here is what I get form it all.

The Tom I am is a work in progress. The world does not want just good old Tom. All know him when he is around and is the first they forget when he is away. He just is. What the world wants and who God molds him to be is that of a Super Tom for lack of better words. The journey will take time and down the road when we look back upon now we see there are two Tom's, one of the old and then the super of the new.

When I first started going to Sojourn I was asked to tell my story, in breif, so that I could gain access to the message boards. I told him it was a "Prodigal return" where I was away for a while, still kept memories of home and such but remained away seeking answeres. And now I was on my way back. The journey back is longer than the journey away. Where that when I see that I am back orhave been back to that ploace I cannot define, justto be back will be worthy of a feast. It is better to have one come back than one who has been there everyday. I may be paraphrasing that part but I do beleive it fits where I am at.

One day if it is his will for me to get a career in photography, it will be joyous. One day when that Tom who is strong and firm will be joyous to have come back or come to rahter then having it that way everyday.

I am not upset at the interviewers yesterday at all. I am upset at not getting the job. But I am trying to hold on and focus in on God who right now seems to tlak by telling me NO to everything, it seems. I have feard my desire has become an idol so for now I do not know.I could get upset with God for not sending me a memo and telling me somewhere near the neighborhood my path is going to be for him. But I wil just keep suffering day by day until that day comes. I can;t write much any more as I am getting angered just thinking about my work/sleep situations.

I can't even complete a sentence now.