Tom Branch - Roads of Faith

I really do not understand the tug of war raging witing me spiritually where its a light switch I can go Hot to Cold in zero to one and back. Sitting here today I am frustrated and angery slightly for some odd reason. Nothing stands out really. I do not know why.

I have been reading some new books and have more on the way. Pretty much all about sex and realationships. It is not as perverted as it sounds but it ranges from past, family, relationships ahead and held with others and taken from a spiritual and psychological standpoint. Even reading last night I see this new thoiught or whatever emerging.

It is the snapshot I referred to in the last post. The more I think I am doing ok or NOT BAD the more I get comfortable with that, until I catch a glimpse that I am far worse off than I imagined. And this is from a normal or ok state of mind and not after some deep contemplation and meditation type stuff. I saw this glimpse of the mountain I will have to overcome.

And that itself is overwelming. And trying to reach out to others to ask for help or even to hear me out, if even to understand ot help with the spiritual principals, I reach and do not grasp. This only adds to the mountain as I may have to walk it alone. No one to bear my burden with me. This saddens me and angers me at the same time. The road will be long, hard, and alone.

I have tried a few phone calls and sent several emails this week to no avail. Ok good now that I have it down I think I know a part of what is bothering me.

Yet another verse that I guess is convicting yet depressingly overwelming.

Isaiah 59
Warnings against Sin
1Listen! The LORD is not too weak to save you, and he is not becoming deaf. He can hear you when you call. 2But there is a problem--your sins have cut you off from God. Because of your sin, he has turned away and will not listen anymore. 3Your hands are the hands of murderers, and your fingers are filthy with sin. Your mouth is full of lies, and your lips are tainted with corruption.

4No one cares about being fair and honest. Their lawsuits are based on lies. They spend their time plotting evil deeds and then doing them. 5They spend their time and energy spinning evil plans that end up in deadly actions. 6They cheat and shortchange everyone. Nothing they do is productive; all their activity is filled with sin. Violence is their trademark. 7Their feet run to do evil, and they rush to commit murder. They think only about sinning. Wherever they go, misery and destruction follow them. 8They do not know what true peace is or what it means to be just and good. They continually do wrong, and those who follow them cannot experience a moment's peace.

9It is because of all this evil that deliverance is far from us. That is why God doesn't punish those who injure us. No wonder we are in darkness when we expected light. No wonder we are walking in the gloom. 10No wonder we grope like blind people and stumble along. Even at brightest noontime, we fall down as though it were dark. No wonder we are like corpses when compared to vigorous young men! 11We growl like hungry bears; we moan like mournful doves. We look for justice, but it is nowhere to be found. We look to be rescued, but it is far away from us. 12For our sins are piled up before God and testify against us. Yes, we know what sinners we are. 13We know that we have rebelled against the LORD. We have turned our backs on God. We know how unfair and oppressive we have been, carefully planning our deceitful lies. 14Our courts oppose people who are righteous, and justice is nowhere to be found. Truth falls dead in the streets, and fairness has been outlawed. 15Yes, truth is gone, and anyone who tries to live a godly life is soon attacked.

The LORD looked and was displeased to find that there was no justice. 16He was amazed to see that no one intervened to help the oppressed. So he himself stepped in to save them with his mighty power and justice. 17He put on righteousness as his body armor and placed the helmet of salvation on his head. He clothed himself with the robes of vengeance and godly fury. 18He will repay his enemies for their evil deeds. His fury will fall on his foes in distant lands. 19Then at last they will respect and glorify the name of the LORD throughout the world. For he will come like a flood tide driven by the breath of the LORD.

20"The Redeemer will come to Jerusalem,[a]" says the LORD, "to buy back those in Israel[b] who have turned from their sins. 21And this is my covenant with them," says the LORD. "My Spirit will not leave them, and neither will these words I have given you. They will be on your lips and on the lips of your children and your children's children forever. I, the LORD, have spoken!

there is a problem--your sins have cut you off from God. Because of your sin, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.

All this from sin. We are always sinners so does this mean God will never hear us?

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