Insomnia is a curse, it sucks, it takes away your soul and all power from within you as you lay there helpless not able to sleep. It is the teif in the night.

Anyone wanna take a guess of who hates insomnia? It is back alot these days. It was bad several years ago but has resurfaced now and then. But now it is back several nights a week. Oh what a curse. I cant sleep and then when I do sleep I am always waking up trying to breathe. I'm screwed both sides of sleep.

I am tired. Yet today was a good day. The roomate situation will go down. So now I have to pack this week and move on Monday. What a crazy week ahead of me and then one to follow that. Yet this time will be the first time I have lived with anyone of the same faith as I am. Two guys from Sojourn. So this will help financially where as I can pay a few bills and start tithing. It is such a releif.

My website is down for a few more days, this sucks. I hope they did not delete the info that was there. I would hate to have to redesign the whole site from ground up. It would be a challenge and I would need a new course of models to help fill the site with. Excapt this time I think I will be more conservative than last time. I still want to capture expressions but not smut. I think some folks got the wrong message, then again last time it was kinda on the line.

Now were has God fit in lately? He really has been watching me. Out of the serious emails I sent out, I got some very good replies. I have not felt a sense of accountability or community for a while now. And hopefully this week I can resolve or start to resolve some of this.

Change is occuring as it has been, and yet people see me as the man I am becoming. Its a start. I know that insude there are several issues that I am working with and trying to come to grips with God can do it and I have NO power whatsoever to change it, only God does. It comes back to the bookends from "Growing your faith" with the righteousness of christ and go'd power to change. I need to understand better the righteousness and then desire God's changing power and reject my own.

Change can be very painful and confusing. Almost downright suffering. But I heard it like this, suffering now is done with a casue, it is done out of love. Suffering in Hell has no cause, there is no outcome for it.