For the most part I sit here at work angry. Work is a huge killjoy. Even when I just wanted to switch fomr my 80's music to some christian tunes I could not find a good streaming station to listen to. Something with variety and not the same 20 songs over and over. I just wanted to have something inspirational at work, something with God while I work.

Work sucks as so many times I want to focus in on God and cannot. It is not very easy to have God with me at work. There are so many forces that take him away from me.

Anyways tongihts last group of the biblical manhood/womanhood was over. Just when things were getting good it comes to an end. But I just wished that I could spend a Friday night out with friends or to ponder what I learned in class. Every now and then I just wished God would deliver me from this so that I could get such an opportunity. I am missing out on so much being here drained of so much. I want to cry screaming and yet I know this is not very well for my soul and relationship with God.

But now here comes the big one. If it is his will here in a week or two I may get a call about a job I previously applied for. He said he wanted to test someone for 6 weeks before giving me a chance for three weeks. Well its almost 6 weeks. And now that the third roomate has been verified this gives me a chance to take alower paying job and maybe after I get the machine for my apnea I can get rest enough and take a second job.

I so want out but I so want God's will. And that is such a hard thing to live for at times. But I know that financially I need to stay here yet I know that means working through bad hours. I just wished that God could bring someone into my life that could help me through this that understands and can walk through the muck with me. Yet I cannot and it seems such a one sided battle as God wants me here but does not seem to want to give me any help through this among others. Its a lonely life this way. Even with God I want to spend more time...............I better stop as I am getting angry again.