Tom Branch - Roads of Faith

Really I am. Right now everything is a rollercoaster up and down good and bad. My fiances are shot all to nothing, health and sleepwise I am not looking so well, not faithful in my devotionals or spritual life I screw everything up here lately.

The closer I get to wanting to make change, hell ensues and I mess it up. I have tried to talk with people but everyone is so damned busy. Damned would be appropriate I think in this case as it terminates the conversation that I was seeking to have with them.

Even when I do get to talk and vent its written off as whining and such. Or if I do get a good ear I am still just as lost and confused before the conversation ever started.

Now the frustration is growing into anger and I can't stand it. Maybe I should become a hermit or something and face harsh realities that I must be a bruden to be around or something. My heart longs for companionship and fellowship friendships everything, yet my life 6 days of the week indicates differently.

Life seems to let me live for God one day a week and the rest I am on my own. To grow healthy physiclay and spiritually one must eat and be nurished frequently....spiritually I get snack packs and then wait sometimes days before the next snack or meal for my soul.

Batteries are low and I am loosing the battles against my own evil. No matter the sin these days I am just giving in as it is the path of least resistance and there is no one around it seems.

So since I have been dropped off in the desert, I keep walking hoping I find the next sign of life before then.

Really I just want to freakin scream...but no one would hear so what's the difference. I am a failure that seems to love to fail. I hope, not pray, that one day I can and will look back upon all this and see the lesson....otherwise what is all this suffering for?

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