Right after I thought I had a game plan the difficulties arose yet again. I was there last night much later than I wanted to be due to network issues so I did not take the extra steps in making sure everything was ok. After the work was done I left with no regard for how the site looked. And I do not care, I feel guilty for what I did but not that the site may have errors.

My body says go to bed and I cannot listen to my body. It angers and frustrates me when others are sleeping and I am suffering myself for the job. At a time when perfection is needed I am so much further from perfect when I am tired.

I thought this game plan would work, yet here I am sleep deprived yet again and the only thing on my mind is finding another job. I know in th bible it speaks of working as if we wer working for God. This is true. If I complain this much about work, how much will I complain with the tasks God gives me?

I have been in this spot before, where my body says one thing and I suffer physically because of this, and it does not get better until I start listening to it again. I think I will try to give it one more month, then I will ask for the official Take me off nights...which means I hope there is another job come open between now and then as that request has potential of putting me into a worse situation.

Word is still tight with the roommate situation, if I have one roommate I cannot leave my current job unless and equal pay job is found which is very hard. If I have two roommates I can take a lesser paying job. So roommates may dictate where my job search goes.

It's hard even reading in Ephesians how if we suffer now we will be rewarded in heaven, yet I don't want to suffer like this. It is unhealthy and is not taking care of my body, so how can this be godly is beyond me.

But some fun will come this weekend at Sojourn, yet I'm afraid that I will be drained from the night shift tonight. I just wished that even God's words could bring me more comfort right now. But I do want to get better at my job and really change the way I work, but I do not think that is going to happen with such an obstacle such as this.

Yesterday was good until work, I did get to take the class at Sojourn last night, it was fun. It felt good, yet when I was deep in thought I had to change into work mode.

Alas, work is sucking my soul dry, and I am so often depressed when talking of that evil four letter word.