I must be loosing my miond...or ability to focus. Today is ending up a disaster.

Good ideas turn bad fast
Desires to do something diminish quickly
Listening to sermons or anything my mind drifts
When I do get a good thought to ponder I sidetrack and onto something else

I am so not here today. I feel out of it all. I am afraid some thigns I am getting into I may be getting too deep, old stuff I fear I have been to deep, I almost am loosing hope on getting that balance.

I am running on empty. Even when God does comfrot me and warms my heart life and I am sure Satan comes in and yanks that away. In fact I think good ol' lucy has his hand in this more than I think.

The eternal damnation thing scares me. I get to thinking at times, nearly out from the blue, that what if we are wrong and we go to Hell? All this for nothing? If its atheists then it does not matter as when we die there is neither heavan nor hell. But ever religion tell the other they are wrong...and this scares me. My mind wants to explode as these thoughts come back to one tru God yet millions of ways to serve according to whom you speak with.

I do not know. I hate knowng these thoughts are here, too much seem to be creeping in on me. I feel lost again. I want to scream, sit down with an angel over maybe a cup of coffee or some really great water and talk. For a long time. At least get to a working understanding.

Seems the demons have entered into this war over my soul. I just want God, I want him to tell me things are going to be ok (for the most part) and help me clarify these thoughts and feelings. I do not want to burn in hell...yet I have already been condemned by so many, I do not want to be wrong.

It costs too much to be wrong.