Tom Branch - Roads of Faith

I am really starting to love coming down to Jeff St every week. Even though at times it can be very challenging. And challenges have been on my mind a lot lately. I see that we fail our own words and intentions so many times, and therefore failing God when we do so. For me most of it is at work, lust, and finances.

Work:
One thing that I have been pondering is getting two jobs and working 6 days a week. Going back to a biblical work ethic. One day of rest, Sabbath, and then 6 of working. And I may have to do that here soon but I think it can be worked out. Now at work though even though it is late at night, I am very tired, and even after my brain lacks the capacity of rational or even correct thought I start taking shortcuts. I get the job done but just enough.

Very much like the movie Office Space:
Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
(quotes from IMDB.com)

Now this is a very funny scene and being a victim....yes VICTIM of working in tech support and office spaces like that this is not a biblical approach, and yet those statements are do very very very, can I say very times infinity plus 1, true. Yet not biblical, not a way to work in the eyes of God. And I am starting to feel this way slightly at work now. That and it is such an un-godly place, as in God cannot be mentioned unless you are strong in words and debating, that I cannot even talk faith. I am very weak in this department.

Now here is the kicker to add to the degree of, difficulty. This stems from a conversation about me not wanting to flip burgers with punk kids/teens at McDonald's etc. This may be the only place that they get to see anyone of faith, this may be the only time they can see and interact with others, may be the only glimpse they get to see of God. And never knowing what and how we may affect another's life as we very well could be the factor leading them to Christ, even in secret. Yet we do not see this upfront and get discouraged. God puts us in these situations to see how we would be, interact, live, breathe, eat sleep, everything.....in these hardships in the world of man are we Godly?

This is where I am convicted. I want out of this situation so that I personally can get somewhere I can be better off and build in my relationship, I want to be saved from this issue, I want to be delivered out rather than surviving and making it through. I want to give up....this is not godly. Are we working as if we worked for god or are we working for man where exceptions can be made, promises broken, and ethics compromised?

I work for man, sadly.

Sex:
Now here we go more Christian sex talk. It seems to be a topic surfacing in so many places. I know in my own life through god's grace and strength I now seem to be down only to making it an issue every 3 or 4 days, after well bodily chemicals build up. And I do not know how to get around that. It's like having to go pee really bad. And when it's over you are ok....well then again no its not. If I hold out too long and really try to abstain, I become a whore when I do slip....I mean I am worse than normal. That's the physical side of it is how can Christians get past this physical threshold?

Now the life aspect of this is that is it a matter of holding off until marriage? Well I know the bible says if you can't control it it's better to marry in that case....(depending on the translation). This may be my case but I do not want it to be so. I grow tired of seeing sex everywhere and then my mind looking at women walking by etc. Even though 99% of the time it's not lustful, its more to look and then I'm looking away. Much like looking at art. Personally I do try looking them in the eyes and see the expressions on their faces. Some seem so fake and this of course helps me turn the other way so fast that they are just a body and that's how they present themselves. This is very ungodly I know.

Now the other thing was when I was looking at some well stuff the other day, looking at a photo of a women in a well the pose was not artistic let's put it that way. And the thought that popped into my head was, doe she know Christ? If she does why has she abandoned him? Does she not know Christ? Then why has no one told her? Why is it looking at porn do these thoughts come to mind...I love it when God works like this. Let's me know he is still there.

And then it hits me later that I was not viewing her as a sister, in Christ or not, I looked at her in a not so very good way. And I hate that. I am really trying to remove the bondage of lust/sex/porn, at least harness the power of sex with the desires and word of God. Sex is a good thing do not get me wrong. But it's also a bad thing if it goes too far. I am making progress, this I see, yet its still the thresh hold that these other things come up.

I am meeting other women that are strong in Christ and this is helping me a lot. And watching others that are in Christ is as well. I grew up without a mother. So I really had no role model of women or how to interact with them outside of my grandmother. And then all I had was porn on the side so that is all I came to know of women. As no other girl while I was growing up and even into college, would have much to do with me.

I am not saying this for a pity party but to show that I had nothing to look at in order to seek a healthy relationship with a female. But as much everything I am seeing in my walk is yes that may be a root issue but that is not where it stems from. The issues is that I am not trusting enough in God to let things be.

The body will eject those chemicals when they build up too much by itself. Yet in stead of letting nature and god take its course, I do it myself. Why can we not seek god and trust him to let his sovereign judgment take place to determine if and when we have a mate? Personally I spend so much time in wanting a girlfriend and even a wife one day that I forget to seek god.

The other night when I served at the leaders meeting is that the point was brought up for prayer about sexual purity for the congregation. I know I need to add my name to that list (so-to-speak) but its a large battle. It seems to be all over and is a sin in secret. No one talks of it much. But if it was brought up, I know there are some of us that do need it, and some hide it well. How big of an issue is this?

Yet we, knowing myself especially, try to look towards pleasures here and now. And forget about the ones then. It is said that if we take our treasures now, we will not have them there. If we do without them now, we will have them then.

So take care of ourselves, feel good, have some sex, and this says what to god....no thanks God I will do it myself. I will take care of this thanks.

So lust is a packaged deal with pride.

This too I am guilty.

But looking as to where things are going...well this is getting scary as I feel that things are about to get rocky, difficult, and dark again. But if I keep to things no matter how dark there is always light to get me through it all. I know god I around and in my life, I just wished I could acknowlege that fact more.

But I know he is htere. No matter who else understands me, who I am, or what I am going through, all is well as God does.

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