Well this week is yet to be over as I have to work night shift for two more nights. I hate night shifts. But there is much on the horizon and I just want to know that I am with god and he with me during this well eventful upcoming week.

The biggest word I wait for is job. I have a job opportunity that I am awaiting call from on to see if I get it or not. It looks good so far and it will be very beneficial to my desired career of photography. It will be working at a photolab. With some possible photography experience as well. Now the job does not pay well enough for me at this time yet the other side is possible roomates coming soon. Then I can afford it.

I am worn out from my current job. Don't get me wrong it's not to bad but its draining working nightshift and day shifts all jumbled up. My body does not like it and sleep apnea, high blood pressure may be some signs that I need to stop this very soon. So my health could be at risk now. So if I were to take this possible new job, I would have stable hours.....finally after so long!!!

Then thursday I will finally be going to Ithaca New York for a friends wedding I will be photographing. This will and is a financial burden but I think I was given an idea that can work itself out. It will be a long trip though, very long 10-13 hours each way. SO it will be a lonley trip. This is the factor of not only wanting but needing God with me then. I think I will be the only one near faith as I am. I could be wrong, but even my friend seems to be a bit off centered so my guard is kinda up over that. Then again I guess getting married does that to a guy. So we shall see after it's all said and done.

Then my younger brother and his wife are going to have a child and my dad is getting re-married here sometime soon. So while life moves on for them, mine moves on in other directions. I am trying to not sit here and get depressed yet I want to remain happy for them. I know God has his own plans for me. I just do not know what. I wished I knew what gifts I had that could be of better use to God....yet I may already have been doing some and never knew it. It's all in God's plan.

For me I know that I need his help and grace, wisdom, and guidance for:
Financial stability
Sexual purity
Integrity
Spiritual discipline and discipleship
Destroying my pride and selfishness

Even last night at work I wanted to give up and let a few errors get through or not check all my links like I should have. Now this is typicially a minute detail yet not in his eyes. If I am lessening my duties with man what makes me think I will not do the same with God? I wanted to go home at 5:00 am, I WANTed...so then when God says get up I want you to...what will I do, say God its 5am I am going to bed? Ill get to it when I want to? As much as I hate to admit it but our work ethic refelcts how we are with God. I try and forget rather quickly to work as if I were working for God. Once again a very deep convicting thoguth to ponder on. Work for God. Yeah If I were God I guess I would fire myself.


Oh great I gotta dress up in wierd colors for church tonight.....yuck!!!! hahah Its voluntarily participate yet I do not want to be the outcast, um wait a minute!!

But looking at where I am at and where things are going I see that God is working something in my life. I am wanting him for one. A very deeper level of wanting him and yet not wanting him enough. But seeing that in these events I know his hands are in them each and every one even when I do not see it. THis has been a very fast moving month. Changes are in the air and I pray in my heart for the better.

I do need him with me for these two very long drives I have coming up this week. I hate it that I will miss sojourn next week. I really do not want to miss it.

want.god