Tonight was a wonderful night. I served the food tonight at the Sojourn leadership meeting....it was a lot of fun, it was great. In fact I would not mind doing so again.

But it wasn't all peaches n fun. There were some serious thought. First off was me being real. When I was asked how I was, I did not say I'm doing great, I told them I'm not doing so well. I have been going through chest pains for the last day and a half. Except while I was serving I did not feel them and forgot about them for the most part. That was the best part of it. I cared for others any my pain went away.

Tomorrow will be a long day. But at least a few people know that I wasn't doing ok. I will see a Dr tomorrow at noon. But being that honest, felt great. Had a talk with a girl from my old community group, well she is in the other part of our big group. And talked about the housing/rent possibility coming up, and the job interview and the pain I was going through.

I feel better talking about it and letting others who care know about it. So I did not care to let them think I was just ok.

That was one of the great points of the day but the message for the leaders there, well during one of the prayer sessions it hit me that we are rocks or sponge. Christ was a rock, a firm solid rock. He is the great example. You cannot change him. He was built tough. Yet as we are, at least knowing myself, are sponges. We have no form, so absorb water and we must be drained or wringed out (i think wringed is a word) and are soft, far from firm. Even when dry we are tough but it is an artificial tough.

This week will be a tough week ahead of me. Work, interview, doctor visit and an trip to New York state for a wedding and drive back. Its going to be a long day or two. I pray to take enough sermons with me and God in the passengers seat....No I wan God to drive and me passenger. It's safe that way.

But tonight I am here feeling better. My heart may physically hurt, yet spiritually it wants to smile and feels good. I am scared what the Dr may say tomorrow. I was lucky and after 2 hours of searching I found a dr that would see me.

My heart cries for God and the man he is wanting me to become...yet I settle for the man I am. And I need to take care of the body I was given and not just my spiritual side of things.

I have a feeling that I may really need to call upon help from others here very soon. Now for physical help as well as spiritual help.

Have I hidden in pride for so long that I believed that I would not get physically ill? Thought I am a chosen one so I will be protected from things like heart issues or high blood pressure?

I am such a sponge.

What are you a sponge or a rock?