busy = an excuse

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Today was good at least as far as eventfulness goes. I did get much done. Met the third possible roomate. Found out yet again my gommunity group forgot about me, to inform me about the meeting this week. I am bery tired of this. I know it is not intentional, but if I am to be a part of the group I want to know I am apart of the group. And not some distant hanging leaf on a tree.

But that is neither here nor there. I still need much learning patience. Still no word on the job. I did the math today and it will be tight but I can live off the photo lab job with the roomate situation. That and getting a bill caught up. But it can be done and for that I am thankful.

But not knowing what is going on, well that is the hard part. WIth life in general there is so much patoience required of me that I do not seem to have. I cannot just let God work, I gotta and wanna know. Life in general I have no clue. WHo am I? Who is God calling me to be?

I think I may really be at a new stage or second grade in all of this. It's time to go deeper. But not knowing what is going on or who Iam or how to help, god's will etc...I just kinda sit around until I "Get that memo"

To be honest I am so very tired of the business or "busy-ness" of most folks at Sojourn. I know people have lives and things happen and life does get busy this I know. Yet it seems so busy I havn't had anyone lately to walk with...at least understand and walk with. It is starting to become a sunday thing where folks see me and then the other days of the week I am off the radar.

And with my group forgetting yet again to notify me of a meeting detail this does not help at all. I very well may be at a time I need others to walk with both ways. I with them and they with me. I have tried a few times reaching out but like most things in life if I were in Australia I would be kicked out as I cannot throw a boomerang the right way, they never come back.

I hope that I can focus in a few thigns at Jeff Street and continue building those relationships. No matter how "Busy" people get I keep on keeping on as best as I can...I just do not get that recharge as often as I would like.

I think I might take this up with an elder I dunno, I just dont wanna get in the way of everyone's "busy-ness" I just want to know that there are others in Christ I can walk with, me with them and they with me...but the only, well the one consistant answer I get is God does not leave.

I even seem to get that same thing when I try to walk with others and reach out to them...I guess only God can resolve this one for me.

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    Thy way, not mine, O lord


    Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
    However dark it be;
    Lead me by Thine own hand,
    Choose out the path for me.

    Smooth let it be or rough,
    It will be still the best;
    Winding or straight, it leads
    Right onward to Thy rest.

    I dare not choose my lot;
    I would not, if I might;
    Choose Thou for me, my God,
    So I shall walk aright.

    Take Thou my cup, and it
    With joy or sorrow fill,
    As best to Thee may seem;
    Choose Thou my good and ill.

    Choose Thou for me my friends,
    My sickness or my health;
    Choose Thou my cares for me
    My poverty or wealth.

    The kingdom that I seek
    Is Thine: so let the way
    That leads to it be Thine,
    Else I must surely stray.

    Not mine, not mine the choice
    In things or great or small;
    Be Thou my Guide, my Strength
    My Wisdom, and my All.

    ~Horatius Bonar