Absolutley nothing to do with pasta

Thursday, October 06, 2005
Job:
I still do not like being there. I know one of the resons I wnat to leave is that it is much a black hole as I know not to talk of relgion,politics, or sports, yet this is perfect testing ground for my faith. There are plenty of chances to defend it and several times I have been offended. Yet this is where I could stand up for Christ and tell others they are wrong. Yet I fear I do not have the words to back it up and knowing how much stronger they are in debate situations (debate = any of those 4 topics mentioned earlier) they will negate whatever I say. THis is a time I could pray and draw to God for guidance. SO yes staying at my current job can be a challenge yet is one where I could test my faith and live for God no matter the opposition.

Yet the physical aspect is what gets me. The night shifts hurt and drain me. For that I want out. And I want something in photography. I do have an interview this week for another job opportunity but they have a roatating Sunday Schedule. SO I will miss chusrch...and I so DO NOT want to miss sojourn. It does depend ont he roatations, if it is once a month, I think I can swing that in all fairness, if it is every other week, there may be an issue. I want a new job yet I do not want one that can take me from what I cherish.

Then there is the other long awaited job that I had hoped to get I finaly recevied word, I called him back and it's a weird deal but it might work out knowing how life has been going...he did hire someone but its for temp or testing for 6 weeks. Then He will trade off and let me do the same. So even then it is still pending and no gaurentees...but there is potential. If I can swing a miracle and do that and the C-J full time for 6 weeks, that would give me a nice boost to a boost financially that may be on its way about that same time. After that 6 weeks I would love to be able to leave teh C-J...at least that could put some ptoential light at the end of the tunnel....which would make things a wee bit easier knowing the end may be near.

Love:
Well my feelings for a friend have reached a point knowing that we are most likely better as friends. So from this point I now will hold back certain thoguths and feelings. Be much more reserved and guarded. I still want her in my life she is a great friend to have but I know she is not ready for anything serious. Who knows I am sure I will meet someone else in Christ. There are so many women out there that are physically and personality attractive, yet now unless I see God in theier lives in some way, I want them not, not even in the slightest way. At least for any serious relationship goes. I think I am getting closer to that age where I want to settle down and get on with life. But thats down the road or around the corner. I pray that I keep on going one day at a time and go wherever God leads me to be or be with.

Life:
Well in the upcoming months there will be much grace, learning, and movement in my life. I will much more closely confront fianances, lust, faith, and more. I will continue my development into the man God is forming me to become.

For now I will try the difficult task of dealing with my job, continue to serve at Jeff Street, and just live for now live for God as best I can...even though I know I am so very weak, yet I will try.

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    Thy way, not mine, O lord


    Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
    However dark it be;
    Lead me by Thine own hand,
    Choose out the path for me.

    Smooth let it be or rough,
    It will be still the best;
    Winding or straight, it leads
    Right onward to Thy rest.

    I dare not choose my lot;
    I would not, if I might;
    Choose Thou for me, my God,
    So I shall walk aright.

    Take Thou my cup, and it
    With joy or sorrow fill,
    As best to Thee may seem;
    Choose Thou my good and ill.

    Choose Thou for me my friends,
    My sickness or my health;
    Choose Thou my cares for me
    My poverty or wealth.

    The kingdom that I seek
    Is Thine: so let the way
    That leads to it be Thine,
    Else I must surely stray.

    Not mine, not mine the choice
    In things or great or small;
    Be Thou my Guide, my Strength
    My Wisdom, and my All.

    ~Horatius Bonar