It is typically at night that I am able to sit and focus in on god. At least as far as meditations and prayer goes. But I read in Ephesians "Do not let the sun go down on your wrath" and last ngiht was a great example of it. In fact EPhesians really hit home for me today , well this morning when I read it. For once I read it in the KJV and it made the most sense. I understood it more than the NLT. WHich is an odd rarity these days.

But it did speak of the old self vs the new self. THis is my war. It is hard to seek god externally as much of what I am is internally. From withing I know God is at work but there are somethings that is just to hard to call upon God for.

It's hard to explain withougt writing a novel. But last night I read a book a lil and then passed out and slept fairly well. I felt better after I passed out than before I did.

It gets very diffucult to come out of this at times. I know there is so much I need to do but yet I do not. Romans 7:21-24 where I see this sin prevailant all around in my life and that I do not change course, I sin when I do not want to and yet I sin when I know I should not. These are the ones that bother me. Yet there are times I sin when I do not know these I do not like any more yet I can live with those. It is when I sin when fighting it.

Just looking around sometimes the confusion turns into frustration and grows from there.

I know that god has started work withinme, it some tension is rising.

I think for now I need to reflect upon the passages read this morning and see where they take me. I have rambled enough for the now.