It looks like what was started today did very well continue, yet it will need to continue furhter now. I only touched the surface of todays topics on my heart. But I feel that the Lord did provide some comfort and understanding enough to sorta a checklist where I am at, I at least have an idea where to go.

This morning I read into Ephesians 3-5 (for the most part) and it really hit home. The weird thing is that I was in the KJV more than anything else. For once it seemed to hit closer to home and was very understandable. I still looked at the NLT for contrast but it seemed to help.

I know that there is work started in me, inside that now is stirring troubles. It is old self and the new self at war. The war has been won yes I know I hear it all the time, but here and now, this is what I see and know. I find it very hard to see past myself and the now that I do not see the gaol at the end. Philipians 3:12-14.

I do know that it is God working inside...no it is the holy spirit that I seem to hear so little of. I hear of the first two of the trinity, the Father the Son and the (whispers) holy spirit. But it is that in which is at work in me. It stirs my soul and like apollo 13 an Oxygen tank seems to have exploded and even though I am still flying through space, it't not the straightest of paths. So that is the war for me is getting on course.

I fear and almost loathe external forces and trains of thoughts as it seems to have been overused and gives an excuse to run away. "Take two pills and call me in the morning" approach. But I know that selfishly it is hard for me to see external forces yet in this case I know there is one externally I want to look into.

Getting to understand the nature of God. Understanding forgivneness, repentence, grace, and God's sovreignty and submitting to that. Seeking truth and understanding.....Come eat my bread and wine I have prepared for you. Leave your foolish ways and walk in the ways of understanding Proverbs 9:5-6

I wished I could go back in time and stop adam and eve from eating of that tree....I would rather not know and simply exsist, but that is not the case and therefore we must deal with the gift and curse of knowledge. FOr me understaning and applying the word is only part of the battle, understanding it's nature is also as important. Otherwise how do we know what we are fighting for?

My journey from here...? It may get bumpy and scary as visions of hell are flooding my mind. It is becoming very real. I mean an eternity over a few years? That's an awful long time. It makes it harder to sleep at night thinking about it.