Tom Branch - Roads of Faith

A nice few things off my chest before bed typically leaves me waking up feeling much better. Or was that the nyquil I took before bed? Or the Dark Chaocolate I ate when I woke up? Or the feeling that I avoided fraud with a fake ebay (I would have been the victim)?

On these days, even how tired I still may be, I just want to stop and take it all in. I can just feel God at work. But thats just it thoguh his work is not always a smooth ride. In fact it can be hellish at times. But I was listening to Larry Crabb yesterday and he did bring up one point.

Suffering: Now vs Hell. Suffering now is done out of love and brings forth change. It has purpose. Suffering in Hell will be very much the same as suffering here but with one major difference (all the difference) is that it will not be done out of love, it will have no reason. Now suffering does have a reason. We may not always see that.

So I look at my life and these changes God has given to me over this last year, in fact through life. Using my Man in the Mirror story many times I am the Mangled man looking in the mirror and trying to stay away from it. As it was said in the book of James, I try to walk away and forget what I look like. Yet it seems that here lately It is not that way at all. In fact I am the Undefined man looking into the mirror seeing the mangeld man that I am, and those are the times that I should be that of a child seeing the boogie man and running to my father for support as the mangled man is very scary.

I think I am more on that side than the mangled man. I know that my heart is corrupted and tainted. Yet there is a renewing change taking place too. I cannot take credit for that as I know these changes were not of my accord. I wouold not have taken the first step to do any volunteer work, or I would want to work for my own recognition. Yet I car to help and do things and nearly every time I say yes...unless work conflicts etc. I want to help and to serve.

From what I have gathered I still have no clue as to what my secondary calling or my lot in life is. My, in fact ALL out primary calling is to serve God. He is our calling. What we can do for him and others is secondary. Yet I am not the leader or the hero no matter how much I want to be. I think of Optimus Prime (old school not the new one) as he was a dear hero and knew when to fight the fight to the end. And he did just that. But alas as I alwasy wanted to be a transformer now I am, as I am being transformed. I don't know if I will get the cool autobot symbol but yet its a change none the less.

My secondary calling is more of support. I am not the part spnning the machine or driving it, nor am I the one giving it fuel to keep on going, I am the one part that keeps the other parts going.I am there to help the machine run, I am there to help others and to keep things running. I am the Spacely Space Aged Sprocket that even helps with the Cogswell Cogs to help and serve other parts to keep it all running.

Now so that I do not get too comfortable being a server and helper and not a leader I find that yes I will have to be a leader as well. In the home at least. Looking bacl at my own family I see bad things. At least with my parents my dad was going to be a preacher, and my mom a preachers wife. That did not turn out very well on either side. Now I have my won desires for a wife to start a family with. Ahh the nice happy life right? Nope God has told me not a chance...my way.

Now his way he is telling me about. Bibically the role of the man is a leader. Not a boss but a leader. The man is to bear the responsability for the whole and serve as the head. But the wife to support...before I go too far off here there is much for me to learn in this area. Yet for me a husband, and when the time is right a woman for my wife we each must not love each other more than God. He must be our first love. This is the line I hope to veer away from. I have seen too many cases where the earthly love here out measures the love for God. Last night in sermon there was a point where was asked do I (the preacher) want to be a good/great father? or a Godly father? I can ask the same of being a husband one day,family, just so much.

Do I want to be good or Godly? I know the answer for this one yet my actions both known and hidden speak differently. I am weak and when I think God is striking me during these weaknesses, it is not to get me at my weakest it is to build me up from that. I don't always feel or think this, yet I can see that this may very well be the case. There are many times I wished there was someone to help or talk to or give me the answers I seek. And those are most often the times I feel alone in this battle and cannot find the help I desire. Yet this is also the time God tells me by action to focus and depend on him and not man. My dependancy should be on him and not others. This is also when I seemingly make my greatest discoveries and self revelations.

I cannot hide from God yet I can hide from man. At times I know it or not we all say things to present ourselves as something we are or are not. Are you a sinner? Yeah but i.... I could go on for hours how even just I can and do this. Yet with God it is a wee bit more brutally honest. Even last night when recording the podcast I could not even say the one aspect of lust effecting me as it does. I could only call it lust. See that's pride messing with me again. There is a line from Pulp Fiction that would be appropriate, but due to language I think messing would be a good word.

May my heart be broken into peices so small they can fit through the eye of a needle. May the lord continue the work in which he has started in me. In us all actually. I know personally I need to becoem stronger through God and stop thinking I can do so of my won accord. Yet in the world there is great suffering and I know that I suffer yes, buyt how much do I suffer for God?

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

In keeping all this in check our problems and sufferings here are they our own sufferings or are they God's? My sufferings with work schedule flip flopping alot, is not suffering for God. It is my own suffering yet Do I take my sufferings before God? DO I ask God along these sufferings? Nope. Not as often as I should. When we suffer without God we suffer alone. When we suffer for God and with God we should remember this is temporal and will not last long. He is waiting for us on the other side of the clouds. Should we want to come home it is promised.

But that is up to us sin't it? Do we continue to suffer withgouth God or do we suffer with and for God?

I may be gettign off onto another grander topic. So For now I shall stop here. When the spirit moves....ya know.

I heard there were some christian teens killed this week becasue they were christians. There is still suffering all around. But blessed are those who...

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