FOr whatever reason lately I have been drinking stale water. At work I may have water left over in one of my bottles and Ill drink it a day or two later. Even laying around the apartment I may have a cup of water sit out over night and I'll drink from it again the next day. Who knows. But it's quite stale but I drink it anyways.

Tonights festivites were trickled down quite a bit. Everyone called out for my Family Guy bash. So I have a clean apartment and lots of chips and popcorn. I still had a lot of laughs though. It felt great to see a new episode that I could laugh at agian and again.

But now this is where I sit and start to think. I need to reflect upon the sermon from today. It's very much were I am at in most of my walk right now. trying to learn to give up my wants and replace them with God's. It's not the easiest thing to settle.

I really have no idea where my life is going or what's going to happen next and that is where I have my troubles accepting things. When I was a freshmen in high school I wanted to become a chef. I planned on going to Sullivan for four years. I wanted to graduate high school, move here to Louisville, attend Sullivan, graduate, get a job, become a chef, find a woman, settle down, have a family.

Obviously that's not what God has planned for me in that order. I wanted to know I had a goal in life and aimed for that and set my mind to it and acheive. Now there seems to be much frustations in my life as I do not have a clue or direction.

I have a direction in God but have no idea of career, vocation, anything. So far I have work, my own apartment, and church and live with that day in day out. Not having those goals in life anymore.....it hasn't been all peaches and fun.

So then I guess I have to fnd what I am not letting go of.

...and then let go.

I still dont know the fine tune as to what or who God is calling me to be or has planned for me, but I do know this. He has heard my cries and is showing them to me. Before the next pahse or chapter in life comes about I need to learn a few more things and chage a lot. I would not say growing up, but maturing in life and faith.

I do feel that he really is breaking me so that he can remold me after my sins and foolish actions have changed alot around. It's just hard going into things blindly when I see others acheiving and becoming while I stay behind. Yes it's a struggle but its a maturing step.

At least now that I am almost 27, I am back to telling people I am 26...I still don't know why there for a while I kept telling people i was 27, as-if I cant do math. hahaha