Does anyone ever get to a point where they are tired of loving themsleves? I mean beyond taking care of yourselves like food and water, rest, all that stuff? But beyond that when do we get so tired of serving ourselves? Better yet why do we do it over and over?

Things are crazy as I am starting to see that true initmacy will never happen while taking care of my own wants and needs. I keep coming back to me and then when thigns are done and the guilt or whatever sits in, all I can think about are others and how I failed them. Becasue all I have done is/was serve myself. Yet I do it over and over and will do so yet again.

It's the basic seven sins...well most of them for me at least, sloth (lazy), greed (me want me want me want), lust (sex), pride (the root of self), gluttony (eat alot or bad foods), then there are envy and wrath but those are two that deal with your reaction towards others. The other five are the sins of self.

Now the tricky part of it is I can see at times how these sins (to make a long story short) come between me and intimacy with God or even others. As I look towards my own wants an needs rather than others.

So how can I turn self off or at least turn down the volume and listen to what or how I can become initmate with God and then intimate with others to love and to serve them. This is a quest and a part of my journey and this is also the danger line for me. This is where guilt comes in or despair and all that fun negative stuff.

This is where I fall off the road. Now one thing I have been pondering, yet not enough, was from my counseling session is to not look on the past and dwell upon it (I even should apply that to today's bad days) and to not think of it as something bad or let it sadden me. Yet to look at it and make it a part of the whole story, a part of who I am and have become. It to is a part of the journey and not just a random occurance.

See what was meant for evil and sorrowful away from God, hurt, apin, sorry, anything and see how God can use that today. Even with self I get wrapped up in my self in there here and now. On a good day I see the small picture but not the whole picture. Same thing with the past or current bad events...I need to focus on it being the whole part. So I guess I am short sighted in more ways than one.

This is where I stand seeing myself in the now and not intimacy with God in the future.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (phillipians 3:12-14)

Still we should not forget the past and present badness, it is still a part of the whole story.

This was not the verse I was looking for but it does seem to apply in other ways.
Shining as Stars

12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out[c] the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. 17But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.( Phillipains 2:12-18)