I know this is my last night of work for just over a week. And I really do not want to go in. I do not even want to do it in a manner that brings glory to God, I just want in and out of there no matter how great or lack thereof the job I will do is. Things can be wrong I am not in a space where i care if I work correctly or not.

I am really hating this funk shell I have built myself into. Even today being Christmas, well I have lved in a way where it was not Christmas, yet it was just another day...nothing special and oterh than vacuming there was nothing done of benefit for today. I want to go to bed and wake up putting this weekend behind me.

Tuesday will be fun if I wake up in time as I will be on a road trip and tomorrow help move in the next roomate and hopefully Jeff Street. Maybe breaking back into my normal new habits will shock me out of my old. I hope that folsk are back in town or not busy as I would really like to talk to some of them. In fact there are two in particular I need an openhearted honest conversation, even blunty, I just need to face a few thigns and facing them alone yeilds nothing redeeming, yet if I get in touch with the folks I hope to then even harsh words can be said in a loving manor.

This is what i really love about thoese whom God has brought into my life this year, is that they can call me out on things but they do not do so in a demanning way, in fact it is in a supportive way. unlike nearly everyone else i know where if you are called out you are demeaned into a lower priority then they for hey are greater for telling you screwed up......balh there I go again gettign angry again.

What can I say I am in a funk and want out...yet getting out I cannot do alone......

I have lost my focus...has anyone seen it? It feels like I am looking for a contact lens in a patch of plaid hay...yes I said palid hay.