I think this weekend I fell backwards into a huge platter, no a banquet table full of Turkish Delight. Yes that's seems to be the best way to explain things. I know that I have built up a wall and crawled into an all to familiar hole. It is what I have known this time every year for a growing number of years now.

Now one thing I have been pondering over alot since I watched Narnia so many times it has not left my mind. That and listening to the soundtracks keeps me into the whole world of Narnia. Then I thought of all the other worlds I have been to that have left an impact on my life Fantasia, Hogwarts, Middle earth...particularly Rohan, Cybertron, and now narnia. Actually this was my return to narnia. I saw the BC version years ago but did not know what it was then, I was in 6th or 7th grade at the time. Anyways...

Now back to the Turkish Delight. It is so much more than a desert. It's what your heart craves for the most and desires above all. This time of year I am in a funk and there is no one around. I have the place to myself again even tongiht I was alone at work. Before I go off on a rant about how lonley this time of year is w/o friends or family to spend it with I stepped back into old sins.

Into the old ways. I ahve been fighting for so much but this last week I let so much go and screwed up so many places and not just one area or two...anger, lust, greed, financial matters and so much more. In fact I now have to clean up a mess or two of all these actions. Yup it's a nice lil mess. So needless to say I went back into some old bahviors and sins. Even then it becomes a whole new entity than sins. It was my heart of old. I was asked what I would like by my cold evil heart and voila it happened. Carless spending, evil thoughts and desires, carefree spending, lack of followthrough or self discipline.....the list goes on. but that seems to be what I wanted.

I did not ask for a tasty treat such as Edmund did in the movie and books. I wanted old ways that I knew that became a way of coping nad partof who I essential amy and becmoing who I was. It is what is on our hearts.

I know that I want not these sins and when i try not to there they are sitting and waiting. Yes straight outta Romans, 6 or 7 I think. Yet I know these old ways were and are bad. Even when i did not see myself fall I still did not turn away or run away screaming back into the arms of God in the ways of Christ. So I failed yes, I am human the way it speaks of in the bible...yet I failed or fell backwards. to fall face down can be a step forward...to fall down backwards is a step back and once starts often there is nothing to do until we are on the flat of our backs.

At some point the suns glare will allow us to see Christ or the glory of the Lord that a pair of hands come down and help us back up. Then when we need nursing back to health we may need to go back to the basics of milk before we start back to some hardcore foods or faith. Every now and then I will ask for water to drink with my meal rather than tea. And every now and then it hits me how refreshing simple water can be and is. But I forget as I am a big boy so I want tea.

Like Edmund who felt no one was on his side or liked by his siblings he went with what gave im pleasure, a tasty treat. I know the Turkish Delight was just the means of transportation of said sin, he wanted his taste buds and stomache soothed. For me it was more dangerous and complex then that. But I had my Turkish Delight. Yet I found it not as satisfying it once was. In fact it was even unpleasurable. It was bland. No longer was it sweet and powerful. But I went to the bland. And I must have loved it becasue I did it again and kept on messing things up.

So what does this mean? It's time to sit down for a second, take inventory of what is, has been, and yet to come (where things are heading but not definite to come) and drink water, simple purifying water to wash down and remove the taste of the Turkish delight I have been eating the last week or so.

So for those loyal readers I have out there I hope this makes sense. What is your Turkish Delight?

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