The funk that is now two days

Monday, June 13, 2005
Ahh yet another day of being in a funk. Just general nothing happening funk. Best described as unproductivly productive. Even I do stuff I still feel I have done nothing. Here is something I wrote sometime last month. And I am still at a loss of words. I think I am somewhat over burdened about the future and the struggles I face during this transition.


I heard your words
I saw your grace
I felt your love
You killed me

I tried oh lord how I tried
But I could not save myself
If only I listened
If only took it to heart

For on that day you killed me
Was the day you saved me
My mind was filthed
So much that only death to clean

You call
You call louder
You call again with thunder
You call until the Earth shook

When will I listen?
On life support I keep myself
I still greive its loss
Even though it pains me in sin

As wisdom prepared her house
She also told me to come
Eat and drink the bread and wine
To leave my ways and walk in understanding

As James told
I look at the mirror and forget
As do I to your voice
You love me

You killed me to have a new life
You give grace when I least deserve it
But have I ever thanked you?
Thank you for forgiving me and forgive me for not thanking you.

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“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:14-15)  listen to chapter  (Read by Max McLean. Provided by The Listener's Audio Bible.)

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    Thy way, not mine, O lord


    Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
    However dark it be;
    Lead me by Thine own hand,
    Choose out the path for me.

    Smooth let it be or rough,
    It will be still the best;
    Winding or straight, it leads
    Right onward to Thy rest.

    I dare not choose my lot;
    I would not, if I might;
    Choose Thou for me, my God,
    So I shall walk aright.

    Take Thou my cup, and it
    With joy or sorrow fill,
    As best to Thee may seem;
    Choose Thou my good and ill.

    Choose Thou for me my friends,
    My sickness or my health;
    Choose Thou my cares for me
    My poverty or wealth.

    The kingdom that I seek
    Is Thine: so let the way
    That leads to it be Thine,
    Else I must surely stray.

    Not mine, not mine the choice
    In things or great or small;
    Be Thou my Guide, my Strength
    My Wisdom, and my All.

    ~Horatius Bonar