Whilst I sit here and wait for the next part of the paper to come out so I can work. I sit here and sit in my sins. I cannot begin to fathom why I do them. Even though I know I do them. And know them while I do them. It is not the fact that it controls me, but that I do it over and over. I know it is difficult, but drawing closer to God should be all the reason to stop right? Yet our minds we cave in to these thoughts and bam its over. Sometimes we do not even think about it and just do it.

I mean isn't God worth enough for me to stop or alter a few behaviors. Sin, it's the I thing to do.

Now in setting forth life. And looking back over the last month or two and the changes and all that has come to light into my life...Its everything, nothing, a lot, and very little all the same.

In my prayers I pray for forgiveness, and then I retort as I pray I am not worthy of forgiveness as I will repeat that sin again. But I still let him know that I can't make it without his forgiveness. I need that drilled in my head over and over. Noprmally I would have lots of words or thoughts but tonight may just be one of the shutting up and listening nights. At least for my own views and refelctions go.

Tomorrow I get to see the famous baptism service at Sojourn and then I can watch Family Guy an new episode is on. Many a laugh to be had.

Yesterday God showed me his perfect timing and let me know of what is to come. I passed teh first grade and now things are going to get a wee bit bumpy but its a part of the growth process. And every now and then the closer I get to that I tend to get nervous and scared.

When we start the gateway into heaven is so wide open. The closer we get the smaller the gateway is. Can go back down the wide door. But have to climb onto the door above.