Well my mother called yet again, I am starting to love my answering machine. Now soon I will have to tell her its too much too fast. I just can't have a mother again after, literally more than half my life of not.

Here is what gets me...God says honor thy mother and thy father...Well at what point can I draw the line and claim my mother as a person and not my mother. She gave birth to me yes, but that was it. It is easier for a new mother to come in than an old mother to come in.

But tonight's sermon did bring myself to two major points where as I think I can work through this now. And it revolves around relationships and especially God. First is that god is the Way, the Truth, and The life. We are offered salvation THROUGH Christ. And honestly these last few days have drawn me less towards God and more to trying to get to a working point in this.

Now what if I were to turn this back to God, give him my burdens, my heart, my all...wait we are commanded to are we not? But work on that relationship first, and then the rest will fall into place according to his will.

Second point I came to was after many long years Once again I can close this chapter of life. I now know where she is and alive and its time to move on. At least witht he forgiving factor. I dont want to let her back into my life, I do not want to be hurt again. But have I really forgiven her? We are commanded to forgive, but we do not have to trust that person ever. So now I pray to understand, forgive, and let go of this pain.

Letting go, letting God...I think is an apppropriate phrase for the now.