Ok great wonderful wild news. Im freakin fat. I am back up to 315 the number I never wanted to be again. I am going to die if I keep this up. I have got to loose this weight but I cannot seem to do anything about it. Or don't.

I have my good days and bad, now I am back at Bad. Wonderful Now I realised I just passed up marks my 6th year since I broke up with my last girlfriend. Wow 6 freakinyears. Oh and now my car needs $500 of work and thats just the latest. I tried to get some maintenice done but I have been told that, in other words, my transmission will up and die on my, and that my tires will pop off the wheel if I go fast or hit a pothole.

I cant afford a new car............................................................


Breathing now. Good thing that Trent really wanted to go to the Ren Fest tomorrow. This will be good as it will boil down to 6-8 hours, while on the road, for the accountability. Wow mega dose. But tomorrow I get to go to my 4th Rennsassiance festival. There will be jousting, shows, archery, belly danciners, live chess, sword play, candle making, and glass blowers too. And even a real castle!!!

Yeah it's always been fun. And I will have my beloved camera with me taking many pictures. I cant wait.

But I really need some focus. I am feeling lost again as I am slipping away. This is what is called a struggle and it continues onward. I am not all upset about it as it's God's plan and there is a reason for this. Tonight before Bed I shall focus, and prepare, and pray.

ANywon else that wishes to pray with/for me please do. I need all the help I can get. There is no excuse for me getting this way. I know it says over and over that if we call upon God in his name...everything is laid out before us so why do I continue the same things over and over when I know it is leading me in a bad place.

Too much for tonight. Just mind is scrambled and I feel so very out of place today.