Well yesterday it wasnt as insightful as I would have liked for it to have been. I did read but it was surface reading. So I didn't absorb it as I wanted to. Went into nap time and then to work. Even now I am trying to stay up very late so that I sleep in very long tomorrow so that I can go to sojourn.

Woking grave shift does effect me more than I want to accept. I try to deny it until a new answer takes it place. But I feel that it is being layed out before me from God and I just need to connect the dots. Where as right now the choice before me is work 3 jobs for 10 weeks and have plenty of money to pay off my debts, buy a new camera, and fund a trip to New York. This would leave me enough time for church, accountablity, and some free time. But not very much as I would have to work 70 hours a week in order to make it happen. Well thats at 7.00 an hour.

Now this would be good yes. Short term only. Now here is the next question that puts the difficulty rating higher...
1.) Do I need the camera now?
2.) Can I postpone the NYC trip?

So these are questions that deal with patience. I can keep current course and pay off so much within the next few months. But I want out of my current job, want that new camera, and would love to be in NYC for my birthday. Since I havn't yet had one to remember.

This would be good...but I think I need to learn a better control over my resources. In fact its part of the covenant for partnership with sojourn. TO be out of debt would be nice. But to pay off bills would be better.

But now I need a better paying job to get caught up and to afford my photography habit/career. But getting a job I am hapy at is worth so much more than that. As now I am unhappy and putting my body and mind throuhg alot by changing sleep patterns so frequently. I need to leave this job and find a regular time position. I can't do this anymore. When I worked for Charter Communications grave shift I suffered for months. Now I am starting to suffer once again.

But now things are changing to where I can start getting out, and searching alternative routes. Now I can surf at home and send out resumes, and at the end of the week I will have a phone to call out on. FOr the last few months I have had no outside contact when I am at home. Now I do.

But what is God's path for me? To work my butt off for 10 weeks and meet my goal? or to be patient and wait some of it out? If I am to work for 10 weeks like that I pray for the strength to do it and make it through it all.

I am learning it is coming down to choices and self denial in order to trade things off for something better down the road. But that is wasier said than done. I think 2005 will be the year of challenges and change. A time of healing I guess.

Tomorrow is sojourn, a happy thought indeed.