Well I can't find what I am looking for. I had started typing up one day pretty much my history as far as my faith went. And I can't find it. I want to add it to my site. Well I shall keep searhcing, I'm sure it's one of of my computers, usb drives, or cd's somewhere.

Last night I read alot in the new Bible. I'm trying to catch up. I want to have read the bible in a year and well its march, so I am a wee bit over two months behind. So I better catch up I guess.

I was reading in Genesis about the first sins. Man this is messed up. I did not realize Adam tried to hide from God. Why run? And what was this tree of knowledge? If it has done what I think it has done then that would explain alot about the human mind. If we were to accept those rules God set forth then, we would truly be free. The more we know the less we know and the more that makes us doubt and double think and act foolish.

And then Cain the first to act upon anger....what was up with him? He lied to GOd, knowing he just killed his brother, tells God he does not know where he is. JUst up front tell him? I mean God knows this already and even that did they realise what they had back then. If I understand this correctly God was around alot, and I mean ALOT back then. They Had God right there with them. Today we have God in spirit but not as they did back in the day. Send me back in time when they were and I would just stand in complete awe, AWE just knowing that here I am walking around Eden and Hey there's God!!!!

I awas skipping around about Lot I think I see a few similarities. He was a man of bad choices. Well maybe unwise more so than bad. I cna relate to that as I know I have made a few uwise choices in my time and sue I will alot more. Leviticus seems to be a wild book. I skimmed over a part or two of it and will have to return to it with at least the KJV, NIV, and NLT, just to contrast the translations. Then I know there is Noah and his family, if all the evil of man was reset to zero, all but for Noah and his menagerie (i hope I spelled that right) how did the world get evil again? Did not Noah and his family teach each other well enough?

Back to focusing on here and now. Setting Jazz music in the background has really helkped alot in creating a mood for reading. It has helped alot. Then so has God. I was expecting a real bad day Tuesday. And I felt I had a shield form all that. I still took a few hits but I made it through withough a bump or bruise. This is good. ANd I made sure to thank him for that in my prayers, at least I think I did, I was sleepy when praying last night.

Now the partnership class one point that was brought up was praying for each other ad the other memebers and leaders. And I am like wow this means I will pray for them and be prayed for? This is wild. I like this idea of being there for each other. This creates unity.

This is going to challenege me in many ways. In ways in which I welcome. It will be a long process. A work in progress. But I see it ...see gods hands molding me some more. The lump of clay I am, into the clay pot...or whatever...I am to become.

Yes being in my mid twenties does suck at times. I dont get to have the fun that most others my age are having, partying, drinking, screweing each others brains out....but I am thankful that I am not. I have bene given more time to focus in on a few things.

I definatly feel that this weekend was a turning point for me. The partnership class, talking with a few people on Sunday of the funk I have been in, getting the new bible.....well its all coming together. I feel different but I still have a few sinful aspects I partake of....cant get rid of it....well I choose not to for those times. But I still feel a presense. Feel something, someone there.

Tonight will be a fun night. I have a plan that is in the benefit for a friend, and then tomorrow is my community group, and then friday will meet up and discuss with another friend the aspects of the partnership. This might help as I work grave shift all week which is very draining enough. But I'll make it through. I feel it.