Why am I angry? Why am I wanting to give up? Why am I now demanding something back from God?

Listed in no particular order.

I.Job situation
I have been searching for over two years now and noting. I may get a good interview now and then but they are false hopes as they do not go any further than that. I search job boards but without a degree they will not even talk to you. Even if you have experience in the are, they still will not look at you.

So I want to try to go to school. I have to pay for it all out of my own pocket. Needless to say my work hours make it hard for me to wake up every afternoon and do anything until I have to.

My hours I come home and sit alone until I can manage to fall asleep 2-3 hours later.

I have to cut short church and groups many nights, the times I normally need for me, my wind down time to ponder. I no longer have that. I am often too tired by the time I come home to focus on anything that requires thought.

II.Health/Weight
I am trying to get my health back in order. I have been drinking more water, eating better, eating less bad foods, excersizing a lot more.....and I cannot break the 300lbs mark. No matter what I do I cannot loose this weight to regain my health. I stay fat.

I know that I need someone that can help keep me motivated, give me that push when I need it. I have asked but no one. I know there are several people I know that Go to the YMCA, yet I cannot get anyone to ever meet me there. It's everyone for themselves. But when I ask for help, humbly as I possibly can, I get nothing.

So I must do this alone and have no external support. Even one of the websites I am on it's ok, it has helped me alot....but it lacks the human touch and is filled with women. No men. So I cannot relate to them.

I am able to go to the gym at work most nights, but I am by myself. I have to watch Futurama for an hour while I work out so I forget I am alone and can keep on walking during the time.

But I still cannot break the 300lbs mark. There is no hope in myself, and no hope from others for me in this.

III.

I Cannot finish this list right now as Iam getting very angry thinking of it.

I have called out to God for help, admitted I cannot do this alone. And he sends me no one. Those around me that I do get some little time with are married, and it is growing harder to connect with them. No one is like me anymore. Everyone around me in life has something to live for, a job, a family, career, education, etc.

I have nothing or no one. Only myself. I am tired of being by myself and tired of being selfish, but when it is all you got you tend to go with what you know. I need help and no one can or will give it. God wont communicate with me. I want to know there is reason for this suffering. And I find none, not a single reason nothing to cling onto.

Right now I am ready to quit all spiritual affairs.

I need God to take a step to me. Much like my mother, she has abandoned me as well. Where is God when I need him?

Why do I not feel forgiven? Why can't he let me know, not just hear some pretty scripture but KNOW.