I may have lost a friend. They, she is not dead or anything, we did not have a fight, she is still there. But I feel I may have lost her to the world. I beleive that God has answered my prayer. It just did not happen the way I thougth it would.

To tell the story as it is a part of my journey of the last year. This relationship, well friendship has taught me alot and looking at this info has helped me to refocus on a few things.

It started May of last year. It was a long distance friendship. It could have become a relationship but due to the distance it never did. I did come to love her and now that love has changed into a Godly love. A love for a sister. We met over this blog actually. Shared email addresses and then it went form there.

We talked late nights alot last summer. I mean late. We shared alot with one another. I could see that her journey sounded much like mine. I have cried teh same cries, screamed the same screams, and even though our paths were different, our journies were the same. My feeling for her grew. She was seeking God and a better life through God.

She is a single mother of three and one with special needs. It is a challenge for her to go through and to know that above all that, she still wanted to seek God and come to a better understanding. She is very special. God has given her a special role in life. I wanted to help her in whatever way I could and did.

But life took us in different directions once fall was drawing near an end and winter on the way. We both were coming into a new direction, me with roomates and learning community etc, and her into an uncomfrtable living situation into one of her own where she could get back on her feet again.

Now she has a new chapter in her life this summer. One I know that I can no longer help her on. All I can do is pray for her. Over these last few months I have seen her drift in our friendship. Yet this I am not saddened about. I am saddened that she is struggling much more than ever before with her relationship with God. I can hear it in her voice. She is ashamed to go back to him it seems. She is scared.

She no longer goes foten or is able to seek him. I can only point the way, but it really is in his hands now. I have learned more how to love and serve in this case. And how to look at women in Christ. I got a glimpse of being close to a woman. Even though we were never really close, we still knew alot about one another.

But the saddest part is not the situations that came in her life, by choice or circumstance, but the fact is she is hurting in her relationship with God. I do want her to have that peace.

So back in May there was someone on a paralell road with mine. But like a noodle it can paralell for a while before one or both goes into a different direction. Our paths may cross, what I hope to be many more times on this and the other side of the clouds.

But now where my road goes... that is a story within itself. God has given me several glimpses of that life ahead, the road I struggle to stay on. I no longer have anyone to paralell. So the road feels a tad lonely at times. It gets hard when everyone around me is getting into a relationship or married.

They have found someone to bond themselves to though Christ, with God. Now the freedom is mine, and the time can and should be devoted to God. When it is my journey that should paralell Christ's journey. My path needs to cross with others in Christ if I am ever to grow. And lately it has. Several times my path has crossed with others and it felt great. Yet I still felt compelled to another path.

This year has been as predicted, a year of relationships...and it has so many times, so many ways. My own relationship with God well it has it's days. Yet there he is waiting there for me when I come back.