I had some crazy dreams last night. I think I may want to revisit them. Actually there was one aspect that I may have taken to literally. Looking back or in a broader sense of it...it was right. It was to watch who I would confide in, I guess who I would call a friend.

In other news my mind has been preoccupied these last 24 hours. Yet I see that even no matter how scientific this idea may be, it is not with God. It is with man or earthly realm. So yet one more thing to let me know not to put faith in others before God, yet put faith in god first and foremost. Or I will continue to be let down.

I can admit when I am wrong, but this is one case where pride is stepping up as a defensive mechanism. Too many times in life have I been the one to carry the wrong while both parties were at fault. They were righteous and I was the one at fault. I refuse to appoligize in these cases any more. Yet that is not very christlike. I feel entitled to an appology form the offending party, but I know I should not hold my breath. W.W.J.D? I know what he would do, but do I want to? I know that if I make that step it will seal that I was wrong before I was wronged and make them clean and me the.................it is angersome, yet this does remind me if a psalm where the wicked....maybe I should revisit that one.

I worry alot of how others perceive me. I am not a monster. Yet this is how I am left to be. Most folks would rather throw a label at me and walk away because of thier own righteousness. And beleiving that even those who seem christian and me putting faith in them acting christian...well that needs to stop as well. That is me judging them as such. It is up to God to make that call if they are or not. I know that the fruit that is produced from these "christians" are not very fruitful except in their own circles. They are the first to cast a stone, yet the last to walk with or help the fellow christin that is down.

As far as intimacy, letting in others into a deeper level, well this is where things get rough. There are some in my life who do have a level of genuiness (i hope I spelled that right) that I do respect. Even on the bad days. Just becasue they say that are christian does not mean that I should trust them or confide in them. Guard my heart, in fact I think that was another dream meaning I missed and a verse I was to remember....

Yes I am angry and have strayed away from christlike-ness...yet this event and the events following could be very well a message forthcoming to me in my dream. It is not what god has willed, it is how I react to the events and does it drive me to Christ or elsewhere.

I think it is time to do some serious evaluating of this last 24 hours.
...Guard my heart
...do not put faith in man but God
...watch who I confide in or call a friend