Ahhh a I got the imac and it's is now on the internet woo hoo. It works real well for what I need for it to do, even thoug it is used but I am fine with that. I celebrated by adding a sticker to my car bumper of the apple logo.

Today I am drained, tomorrow is extremely busy. Oh so very busy. I hope that I can do everything I need to do. I have three meetings, 8-10 hours of work, lunch, a key to make (gotta hunt down a hardware store), run to the bank across town, drop off three framed photos, oh man I am worn out just thinking of this. I hate being this busy as I hate it when others are this busy. But this is a one day event. Hopefully I can pull 15 hours of work in two days, so I can take off two and a half days to take a break and visit friends in Nashville.

God has been, well I have not been as well with him as I would like to be right about now. I have missed group and sermon and am not as connected as I would like to be. now the good deal is I will have a nice road trip by myself to ponder and think, listen to a sermon mp3 or two.

Now is a time where I cannot afford to forget God is in control and able to help. I have no power and am loosing whatever power that I do have. This season angers me with the selfishness and uncare for anyone else in the world that comes between most people and shopping., bad driving etc.

I hated missing the Soiree the other night, I hate feeling left out of everything, I hate only hearing others ask how I am on sunday and no other day of the week...I am an angry person and it saddens me to feel left out or disconnected. By choice or circumstance.

Actually this week and tomorrow there are several opportunities where I will not be alone and am a part of something, alas there is so much going on.

On my mind alot is bringing myself to God I want to bring him something, Here God here I am I give you all that I am, I have value. Yet this goes against pretty much the basis for the Christian life, or the "poor in spirit" beatitude. I am having trouble getting to the root of it and say Lord here I am, I offer you nothing.

That and I am still pondering what "choice" means. No one seems to be able to answer that question. I think I lost so many people by making it so simple. In fact I wander if it has anyone on the guard from that sort of question.

I guess I am getting used to not having an accoutnability/discipleship/leader/partner/friend beside me in this walk, yet I know I suffer from it.

Oh well. Onto work, hopefully I will be efficiant and effective tonight making headway for tomorrow.