Ok so now the rules seemed to have changed. INstead of just feelnig guilty I have a new feeling I cant quite place. And not to mention I am really replaying somehting I was told over and over in my head. I might really want to revisit 1988 upwards till now. Now the scary part, is who to talk to first and do I really put light on my dark past? The part that haunts me anyways?

It really is coming in between my relationship with God and others. Confessing and confiding. I may even get blunty honest on here. I do not know. It tends to scare people with honesty at times. But it is getting heavier on my heart to confront this.

I don't know. But sometimes things eat you up unless you eat back. This is one case in point I really need to cling to God but this is when I find it the hardest. So instead of me just dodging him until I feel good to get back on the right path, I stay in the shadowd hiding, he lets me stay that but puts on my heart a new map to an alternate direction to get off this road.

The closer I draw to Christ the more this irks me. I am so tempted to tell someone, and I am scared to death at the same time. I really don't know. WEll I guess my nap time is ruined so it will be a caffeinated night at work.