OK last nights insomnia was the worst I have experienced in a long time. Was up until almost 9am, and had to drink some serious whiskey to try knocking myself out. It worked in a few minutes. I hate insomnia. It sets in frustration and then anger and then im wired awake again. But now with some sleep I am feeling better....for now.

Knowing that sleep won't come easily if I were to just pray for it. So I did not even ask asi I would be up more thinking about how I was not asleep when I wanted to be.

Today is good so far. I have the stock photo store set up. Now to try and market this so that I can make a few dollars. It would be great if this turns into extra income, at least enough to pay some bills and get caught up. And then hopefully the video project takes off in a month or two bringing in a few extra dollars too. Now its play it wise, not get greedy, play it slow, and organize....mold the caly on this project. WHich means being respponsible...great, thats a word grown-ups use....I am scared, terrified even haha.

Now prayer life...this is important and now I have both praise and requests to cling to God for. Praise for allthe good he has done of course, yet also here comes the part where I must really depend on him. Last night I set in motion again to get in touch with the 4th person I need to set things clear with. And I got an email this morning on it.

Not from her but from the person who said she would be more than glad to forward the message on to her. So now this issue is in God's hands. And really this could go three ways, Good, Bad, or nowhere. There has been so many years of nothing I forgot a lot of things and of course people change. So I do not know and I am going into this blind with only a few memories and what faith I do have is turning to God more and More.

I am scared very much, in fact I think that was a great part of my insomnia last night. I could loose all or none. I could be making a mountin of an anthill yet I could be making an anthill of a mountain. But prayers are answered on God's terms when we need it not when we want it.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:7-12 NIV)

But asking that HIS will be done, not mine. Praying for acceptance of his will, praying so that I not be judegemental, and praying I become more dependant on him. From reading "Growing your faith" I see the second "book-end" is knowing we can't do anything alone, we need his power and strength to make it through. But once again, even thoguth still scared (anxiety might be a better word) just knwong things are in his hands brings confort.