Tom Branch - Roads of Faith

Well I realized one thing, if I need god I should not exclude myself in prayer. It is as bad as forgetting to pray for others. I am starting to sense a common lesson he is trying to tell me. If my heart is receptive enough to put it into action and my mind open enough to hear it.

He has given me plenty to ponder over at least in contrast. Now with several book on my list to read I think it's time to slow down and let some of it sink in further. But maybe time to explore and seek out on the next level.

I really wish I knew where my life was to go from here. The signs are pointing towards something bigger and very much more relationship based. With God and one with myself and maybe the desire of a family I have wanted for so long. God Willing that is.

I am starting to feel that I will not marry out of Love. It will be a marriage in which we both draw closer to the Lord. Marry in his glory and not from Love. There will be love however but if the marriage takes away from God that is bad.

Here is what I wander. Knowing my history and parents divorce, my walk in faith, am I ready for a relationship, marriage, and family? As much as I want to break a cycle, and make up for my parents, choice and give back to God a family for him. Or does God know it may be of good intentions but I may take it away? Know that I will loose focus? Know that I may not endure through it all? Or know that I am ready or not.

I know that it says it's not good for man to be alone. But I grow tired of seeing others have someone, even though most times they do not last, but they are not as alone as I feel at times.

I feel that he is telling me I am not ready but keep on drawing towards him and I may get that in which I desire. A much closer relationship with God, through Christ, in the Holy Spirit. And from that I will be ready for a holy or serious relationship where a wife and child may come out of it.

I really am at a crossroads. My faith is at a turning point where it is going to make or break, well shift into the next gear. I still feel he is calling me into something important. I keep trying to get there and then my sins set me back a step or two but, I don't stop. It is his grace that really keep me coming back. Grace, that is given when it is not deserved.

Yesterday I reached a checkpoint. While I was camping to see Star Wars I met some folks in line and chilled with them. They were real cool but only 17. Typically I really wanted to be friends with them, then again I thought the girl was attractive, and her boyfriend was pretty cool. But I knew that really were folks I tried to make friends with in an earlier life, well only a few years ago. But now I wanted friends closer to God and more spiritual.

They were good folks don't get me wrong. But I knew there were limits I had to draw and stay on one side of them. That is where God wants me now. Drawing new limits in my life, my sins, and my habits. Not to mention my walk. I looked back and saw there were some steps in progress. I need to become a role model for even myself. A beacon for God. Change my ways and turn from my sins and become strong. Walking the christian faith is fine n dandy lemme tell ya, but if we are not willing to endure and not give up our selfish ways, what good is it?

Yes give me the sticker that says I am a christian, but I am not wanting to do anything for it. Because Christians are "Peaches n fun" and not dark or have any struggles. Am I a pillar? Not yet, I must learn to stand tall and firm in Christ.

If I want the relationship with God, a marriage in Christ that can help me draw to God and give honor to God, then I am going to have to work for it. I am going to have to make a stand and do so solidly on the rock.

Thus the mid twenties crisis continues

4 Comments:

Sage_Muse said...: "Thus the mid twenties crisis continues "...

My dearest Tom...I feel you!

Although I did not come from a broken home, I struggle daily with the fact that I have a broken home. I struggle with a major feeling of failure because my parents were really one of those "till death do you part" couples. My mom took care of my dad while he was paralyzed for over 10 years and prior to that through numerous years of alcoholism. Despite their difficulties they did anything they could to make us happy, above & beyond providing the basics: food, clothing, etc. But those were the good old days when people still had values and morals.; Thursday, May 19, 2005 8:12:00 PM
BellaDonna21 said...: Ah, the quintessential crisis of the young Christian. Believe me sir, I do share your frustrations. Every day in fact. It's very hard watching other couples have so much fun and being together, and alone yourself.
It sucks, frankly.
I hate to be totally cliche, but I am gonna have to: God will send you if/when/how and in what way He intends to send you your future wife. I hate hearing/writing it myself, but it really is true.
I tend to just dwell on my relationship with God, and growing in Him everyday, and not worry about the future love He has in store.
I try, TRY mind you, to focus on the future happiness He will send me, and be content in my singleness.

Have I been cliche enough for you? ha ha; Thursday, May 19, 2005 8:14:00 PM
Bobby said...: Both great comments.

It is good that you don't want to repeat mistakes of the past, Tom. And you don't have to. Were you damaged? Yes. Does it mean that, when you're married, you will have to try even harder than you normally would have? Yes. But the past does not hold us prisoner. That's what new life in Christ is all about.
I keep going back to "seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and all its righteousness, and all these things (blessings) will be added to you."
Let God transform you on the inside, and pray for wisdom. As James tells us, if you desire wisdom, God will give it to you.; Friday, May 20, 2005 12:00:00 PM
Tom said...: Hey guys thanks for the comments. Good stuff to takein. But yes you gusy did hit it right that it's seeking God and letting go and all will be answered. This is my struggle is sometimes I can;t let go and want to control my destiny and get frustrated when I don;t have direction or results. But yes it does seem its time to have another meditation again and focus.

Thanks again guys.; Friday, May 20, 2005 7:53:00 PM

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