I was reading the other day a real nice verse that went along with somehting I was trying to get across and now i cant find it anywhere. I looked for several minutes and still did not find it. But I know it in there somewhere. I found it in my devotional, it told a story and then gave a verse to back it up. I hope to find it soon, becasue it irks me.

But now looking at where I am today, to where I am going this I need to sit down and inventory. There is alot that I want to do and a lot I need to fix first. So I guess Ill take the first steps now and give a gerneal glance of where I am. Back when I was in high school I dreamed of becoming a chef, moving to louisville, going to SUllivan and then graduation, get a good job, settle down, find a woman, marry, children, happily ever after.

Fast forward a few years. No graduations, no nice paying job, single as ever, no kids, and well happily lasts in short bursts.

Well the job factor, well I have one but I cannot seem to balance things financially well as I would like to. I really need to learn to be better with my money and save more. I need to learn self denial more often (aka discipline) in order to make that happen more often. Pay bills and get out of debt. I just grow tired of having this bad credit cloud hanging over me. And not just for me. If I am ever to have a family, I need to be good or balance with the finances.

For family. First I know I need a woman but that is now a new battle. FIrst I need to control my lusts more often. I have come along ways but I am tried of lust controlling me. it is very hard to say no to it. I am making progress bur it feels good to look at a woman and not lust after her. And from my last relationship I hope to not let it win as sex became all the relationship was about. And I hope to get away from that. I want to repsect my wife and love her to.

Then I must learn to love and be more self-less. I must care for others and learn to love and patience if I am to start a family one day.

Actually while im reading this devotional and learning from sojourn every week....its time to take responsability....and I mean seriously. On a new level I have never thought. As for the bible, the way I understand, the men are to be responsible for himself, his wife, his children...and here I am thining of myself so much. Now I must fix my issues in order to take care of a woman and a child and have a family all the while taking them and myself home to God.

I guess I really do have a lot to look at as all this time I thought I could handle a relationship etc.....but I am far from it and now I am seeing that. I may not be one of these people that have lovers all the time. But I may be one to have a strong family that is worth it all in the end. It's more than having a companion...its family and that is something stronger, so much stronger. As my childhood family was broekn, I hope to have a strong one one day.

So from this day I pray I start with my and grow outward. I must do better for christ, for me, and my family.

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