This has been a very long weekend for me. And it just doesn't stop. This morning I was drying my hair after a shower and pulled a muscle in my upper left shoulder. And it hurts. So I will be drugged up on some powerful meds again tongiht at work.

But Saturday I started my small vacation with a series of road trips. My car is excellent! It can now take over 400 miles to a full tank of gas! What a trooper! So gas did not eat into my funding as bad as it could have.

But thats just a bonus of it all. I started the trip in the world and not in God. I still feel shallow or just going through the motions. But more now I feel displaced. I know I am here but I feel elsewhere.

I observed alot this weekend and saw those I held close or high regaurds are as flawed as ever. I could see works that come full circle it seems. I can't, well shouldn't go into names but I could see how the tables have turned for some folks. Even my family.

SO this leaves me with where am I now? I wish I felt better to unpack it all. I really need some good time with God but it feels so self centered and shallow and the world keeps taking me back in.

Then its hard to do sitting in pain and having too many thoughts running wild.

DUring the first 5 hour trip I had some good talk with God. I felt it was good but it just wasnt moving. I was on my way to east tennessee for my family reunion. I have not seen them in two years. So this was a great time. But there were many folks not there this time.

I did see one cousin I had not seen in, over ten years I think. He has lost alot of weight. I heard his story and just saw the results. It was great to see it since it is a story close to mine. He is just a tad taller than me and the weight I want to be at, he looks good. So this gave me a great vision of what I will be at my intended weight goal.

But there were others in my family and the language was, well I was on guard from it. I guess they were as human as anyone else. And I don't like using the term redneck, but I have to with some parts of my family! I so wanna laugh at it trying to figure out how I came from that gene pool! hahahah THen my dad was even there and he and one of my great uncles gave me greif over the razor lost its way to my face. That was just funny. I told them straight up I just didn't want to shave. Then again I have only ever heard one comment on my beard, so until I get a serious comment I think it will stay.

But on a serious note I just observed my family's interactions and such. I did notice more new cousins, the young ones are all having kids. And all of them girls it seems. So we need some boys and considering the track record of my family I will produce a boy! But that is another story for another time.

The next leg of the trip was back to Nashville where I got to see my brother and neice. She is just adorable. She is just a cute lil smiler! Then I got to see my dad and step mother for a while and chilled out with my friend.

This is the part wehre things got deep. In total watching friends and family this long weekend...I see that their lives are not mine. I see the events God has layed before me and those are MY journey. Those that I look up to or are in relation to me (family, friends, etc). The past is what has molded me into who I am today. But that is not where I am to live or to repeat.

I guess that should help me put things into a better perspective. This is my journey and what comes of it. It is not my life it is the one that God has layed before me. How to live selflesly in love and serving one another is ...well that's a nother topic. But it looks where I need to be heading.

From what I have gathered this month will be tough on me. A very long september. It will be a month to get things gathered. October will be setting the stage. I will be taking on some more intense fellowship and studies I think. THings like Dance, walking, a class, and then everything else that is already on my plate. Then comes November. I will then try to take a two day retreat to the monstary down in bardstown to get away and focus.

Then Come back and as Captain Picard says "Make it so!"

By then I should have a more clear direction of where I should be going according to God's will.