I started my vacation in the world and not in christ. I ended it the same yet deeper away from Christ. It took a few days and I am slowly coming back out of it. More like I am being delivered from it not of my own power.

Relationally this has been such a rough week for me. Work is negative and only getting worse since the football season has started. This is and will drain me. I want to do the will of God while at work, yet I want out and be deleivered from teh physical suffering inflicted upon me every week. I am weak. I want out.

But that is only the start of things. The world of relationships of all sorts have been on my mind this week. Looking back at all the role reversals I have seen how far things have come in the last two years. Looking at all the lives around me...

This life of mine is not those of my family or friends, yet the life before me is the life God has given to me. The other lives may have had an impact upon me at various stages in my life. Yet they are not mine. I am seeing the life God has given to me. My path is mine from God. I am starting to see this now.

Things have been hard but seeing these lives this last long weekend, I see that There is only one relationship above all to work for. And that is the one from Christ. the relationship with God. Even though I have been in the word I was just as welcomed back. Even knowing I would track mud in the house (so to speak) I was still welcomed back inside.

Once again it is not putting too much into man but putting more and all into God. This is the next theme coming up alot lately is the relationships of husband and wife.

After knowing that my parents did not have that biblical based roles in thier marriage, and seeing the relationships I have shared with so many others as of late...The truth of the matter may lie in between those pages. And only in there through and by God.

For many years I like so many have beleived that if I had that one person in my life that it would help me through my pains and life. Which in turn I guess I put extra umph or expectations or rules onto the relationship. My uncle gave me a magazine this weekend that has a great article called Single and Not Looking....there was a great paragraph in it but the one part stands out:

God will never give us anything to replace our need for His Presence in our life. Chris Burge

And I know that I have been guilty of this for so many years. And seeing my best friend in his many relationships, he's good with the women (but then it's all based on sex), I see how I was. I saw externally how a life without God first is effected.

Upon reflecting other tidbits today I was at the men's shelter with my weekly pc lab stuff and one of the female volunteers showed up and sat and talked with the director and I in his office. She was just beautiful. Not her physical body, well she was but I could not see it as I could only see her...I saw christ working through her. It was very moving just to be in her presence.

She was telling us how she started going to a church where she is about the become a member. That the serom she heard on one of her first visits was on male leadership biblicaly. And hearing her talk about it you could tell it had a profound impact on her.

So sitting there listening to a christian female perspective on this was just a blessing to listen to her. Just feeling God's presence at work in her life. Then I started thinking about another conversation I overheard one night after service. It was me and another guy listening in on two women talking about the same topic. In fact one of them said guys you might wanna take notes on this. This was one of those rare moments where we (men) get to hear the inner goings on of women.

The conversation from what I recall of it was about the strong leadership yet gentle leadership from a man. These two words don;t typically go together but I can see that this may be lacking in many of today's roles.

Then at my lil dance movie party just hearing some of the women make comments when certain parts like that laedership issue came up...it was like I should have been taking notes then too. Even another blooger even did an entry about dancing and leading on the dance floor. And myself about the dancing as life or in relation to our walk with God.

There seems to be a pattern here that I am picking up from the women. It's sorta funny cuz us men aint supposed ta listen. Man that sounded liek Rabby! haha

But seeing this all as relational is something to be taken seriously. One how we rlate to one another is the aspect not how to relate to our spouses...yet it is a part of it. But that we not forget it is God is our relationship. This is where things get tricky for me.

One I did not see this strong godly relationship between spouses when I grew up. Just a nasty divorce. But When I see these blogs and hear these comments as such, I see a greater role for me and a greater love gven in return to them. But this should not replace our relationship with God. Marriage as in today's world....

I am and should be furious and outraged as society has lied to us about marriage. It has robbed us of something far greater. Even in relating to one another. Sadness should flow all around. Yet God is showing me there is something far greater than I have ever imagined. But which relationship do I seek?

On the bigger scale of all things and in relation to all people. Even in my desire to not end up like my parents in marriage...God is showing me the way in just relationships. All of them and not just a mate. He has let me know that this is my life and no one elses. This is what he has given to me. My pains and sorrows he wants them too.

All he wants is my love in return. AS mentioned in sermon yesterday we forget too often that he loves us, personally. He is showing me many times and in unexpected places he wants me. All I need to do is follow. Seek him. And make him the greatest relationship ever. All the other relationships...well they are secondary yes, but they are also loving God in return.

There have been an instance or two where I have been called to help others personally here lately. I have been alled to walk with them in a cartain area. Even now in my heart stirs a passion or some thoughts of a cartain type of minstry. Something is stirring inside, and I am seeing God at work in my life.

I have been called

...Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine...Isaiah 43:1-2 (New Living Translation)

I have been called.