When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. (John 8:12)

I do not feel or see the light. I know there is something with me but still I am alone in the darkness. My never ending quest for an end to suffering from my job, all I see is darkness everytime I try to see light. The harder I try the worse it gets. I do not feel I am following Christ. Kinda like the parent dropping thier child off at school that they hate. They know the parent loves them but the whole day is all down hill from there and the one person they would rather be with for comfort and support is leaving them.

This is where I feel. Like I have been dropped off and waiting for the 3:00 bell so that I can go home and be taken from this place. But then to repeat the cycle the next day. I have asked others for advice but have received very little, I think so far I have gotten one sentence back verbally and then one paragraph back on a forum. But neither siad anything about faith with it, at least that I recall. It was more worldy advice.

To be honest I am fighting back tears now as it hurts this much. To try harder just to stay awake and to only be told in sometimes the not so nicest ways I screwed up again. Effort means nothing and perfection means everything. What would Christ do in this case? I do not mean it as another WWJD but rather what would he want me to do? This is the hardest thing to determin. I am weary, fatigued, frustrated and then some. And all I see is no end.

I hope to get some encouragement today. I really could use it. Things seem to be only getting worse.